


Trapped In Nostalgia

by killerfrost



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Minor Lu Han/Oh Sehun, Rocker Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:16:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerfrost/pseuds/killerfrost
Summary: Byun Baekhyun thinks his life is slowly changing for the better when he meets Park Chanyeol, the sweet, charming lead singer and guitarist of a newly debuted rock band. Little does he know, fate has decided differently for the both of them and a certain Dr Kim Junmyeon, Seoul's brightest and youngest cardiothoracic surgeon.





	1. Hello, I Love You

Ever since Byun Baekhyun was seven years old, he knew what he wanted to be. He knew what he wanted out of life.

Ever since that time he performed Open Arms by Journey at his middle school talent show with his best friends Jongdae, Minseok, Luhan, and Kyungsoo, Baekhyun’s love for singing had grown. The five had planned to form a boyband of some sorts once they grew up, but fate decided differently. Ten years later, Kyungsoo graduated from a top business school in the US and went back to Seoul to work for a top consulting firm, Luhan headed off to Germany with his boyfriend Sehun to further their studies in engineering, Jongdae scored a solo contract with a big entertainment company ( _lucky for him his parents are quite supportive like mine,_ Baekhyun thought), Minseok went on to become a doctor, and Baekhyun was busy singing at bars and writing songs (that’s how Jongdae started out).

Much to his surprise, his parents were fine with it. Of course, they were fine with it as long as Baekhyun didn’t neglect his education—which was something Baekhyun had never even thought of doing. He secured himself a degree in math with a minor in physics, just in case he failed as a singer and wanted to pursue a career in STEM. It was after he graduated with honours (he couldn’t help it, he just loved math so much) that Baekhyun decided to start small as a bar singer while working as a laboratory assistant. He had his family’s support and he wasn’t going to take it for granted. Just because he had a degree, it didn’t mean he had to give up on his dreams.

 _If Jongdae could do it, then I can do it too,_ Baekhyun thought, pulling his phone out of his pocket. It was open mic night at his favourite bar and one of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s favourite new rock bands was performing. If Baekhyun was lucky, he could snatch the chance to sing together with Park Chanyeol, the vocalist and guitarist of Monodrama, Seoul’s newest big hit. But no, Baekhyun didn’t think he’d get that lucky. If Chanyeol were to sing with him, he’d probably die on the spot.

_After all, I’m just another Chanyeol fanboy with his posters on my wall and playlists filled with his band’s songs—and where the hell is Kyungsoo? I wanna see Park Chanyeol already!_

>Byun Baekhyun: kyungsooooooo  
>Byun Baekhyun: do  
>Byun Baekhyun: kyungsoo  
>Byun Baekhyun: DO KYUNGSOOOOO  
>Do Kyungsoo: what  
>Byun Baekhyun: where the hell are you? the show’s almost starting!  
>Do Kyungsoo: patience  
>Byun Baekhyun: hurry up or I’m gonna sneak backstage and dump jongin’s body in the river  
>Do Kyungsoo: wtf?  
>Do Kyungsoo: your small ass won’t stand a chance against jongin  
>Byun Baekhyun: JUST SHUT UP AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE  
>Do Kyungsoo: ok I’m almost there

Kyungsoo arrived in a black Alphard a few minutes later, stepping out in his suit. Just like Baekhyun, Kyungsoo was a big fan of Monodrama—only that he was attracted to their bassist Kim Jongin instead of Chanyeol. Jongin was an eye candy like Chanyeol, Baekhyun must say. But Jongin was definitely not his type. Anyone marked by Do Kyungsoo wasn’t Baekhyun’s type.

“You’re lucky I’m not the one dumping your body in the river for spamming me.”

Baekhyun stifled out a laugh as the two entered the bar and ordered their drinks. Just old friends reuniting to reminisce over their past and talk about work and whatnot. It used to be Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Luhan, Minseok, and Jongdae sitting together, drinking themselves stupid and dancing along to live music. Baekhyun had missed it all. He missed Jongdae trolling him now and then, he missed Minseok’s sassy remarks, he missed Luhan fathering everyone in the gang. Now it’s just good old Kyungsoo and him hanging out every Friday night.

“I heard Park Chanyeol’s going to ask someone to sing onstage with him tonight,” Kyungsoo said, following Baekhyun who was now attempting to slide his way to the front of the stage. “Are you up for it? Oh, yeah, forgot I asked. You fanboy over his ass every night.”

 _Park Chanyeol,_ Baekhyun smiled at the thought as he took a sip of his beer. He knew he shouldn’t be drinking if he wanted to sing well tonight… _but, nah, why would Park Chanyeol suddenly point at one of his fans to sing with him?_

“You fanboy over the bassist’s ass every night too,” Baekhyun pointed out. “Oh, wait, no, you fanboy over him every second of the day! Don’t think I didn’t know your phone wallpaper is Kim Jongin.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You know what? Jongdae should’ve come with us. He’s under the same label as Monodrama.”

“Wait…Jongdae and Monodrama…s-same label?”

“Yeah. He didn’t tell you?”

“Nope. He should’ve told us, though. He could’ve gotten us a backstage pass or something.”

Then he heard it.

“Hello! How’s everyone doing this evening?” a deep, husky voice called out, distracting Baekhyun from his momentary raging jealousy. “I’m Park Chanyeol and we are Monodrama! Get ready to rock!”

The band proceeded to play their hit single. For a moment there, Baekhyun lost himself. There was something about the way Chanyeol jammed on his guitar while singing. Was it his velvety, raspy, deep voice? Was it his ecstatic smile? Was it his luscious black hair? Was it his angelic, yet manly features? Baekhyun didn’t know what it was that got him so captivated and dazed, but he was enthralled. _Jeez, you’re such a fanboy,_ Baekhyun thought to himself as he shouted the lyrics out and swayed left and right to the beat, right next to Kyungsoo who was busy staring at the bassist up until the band finished playing their singles.

“Great to see everyone dancing their asses off tonight,” Chanyeol spoke into the microphone. “We’ve played three songs off our upcoming debut album so far. Who’s excited for more?”

The crowd shouted for more. Chanyeol chuckled softly.

“I’m afraid we can’t spoil the rest of the album for you guys. But we’re still going to play one more song tonight. I want somebody from the crowd to come up onstage and sing a rock ballad with me. Come on, don’t be shy, guys!”

Baekhyun felt a push on his shoulder. He was ready to fight whoever shoved him when he noticed it was Kyungsoo, giggling as he lifted Baekhyun to the stage with his strong arms. Since when had Kyungsoo been working out? Baekhyun couldn’t even imagine Kyungsoo at the gym, lifting weights. But there he was, pushing Baekhyun onstage with all his might.

“What the hell, Soo?”

“Thank me later. God, how much do you even weigh?”

 _I’ll dump your body and Jongin’s in the river for real,_ Baekhyun thought, pouting as he walked up to Chanyeol, who had the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. He looked even more mesmerizing under the lights, with his cheerful, big eyes and black hair pushed back. Baekhyun had never been more nervous in his life. This man was the most gorgeous human being he’d ever seen in his life and that was enough to make him shudder, not to mention the height difference between Baekhyun and him. _Damn, the boy’s tall as shit._

“We’ve got ourselves a volunteer here,” Chanyeol smiled. “What’s your name?”

“B-Baekhee—I mean Baekhyun.”

“Bacon?”

“Baekhyun.”

He could feel himself blushing. Onstage. _Goddammit, Baek, not in front of Park Chanyeol_.

“Alright, Baekhyun. Know Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton?”

Baekhyun nodded, waiting for the next instruction. “Start out with the first three verses.”

Lucky for Baekhyun, he was used to singing both old Korean pop ballads and classic Western ballads. He prepped himself as the band started playing the intro to the song.

 _“It’s late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear_  
_She puts on her makeup, and brushes her long blonde hair_  
_And then she asks me, ‘Do I look alright?’”_

 _“And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight,”_ Chanyeol sang the next verse, his smile now wider than ever, eyes locked on Baekhyun.

 _Please, tell me this isn’t a dream,_ Baekhyun closed his eyes, singing his line. He was going to thank Kyungsoo that night. He wasn’t going to dump his body (or the sexy bassist’s body, for that matter) in the river. Thanks to Kyungsoo, he could sing a Clapton song with this gorgeous man. As the two wrapped up the song, Baekhyun could see Chanyeol’s eyes were still on him. The warm smile on his face still hadn’t faded yet.

“It was nice singing with you, Baekhyun,” said Chanyeol. “I have to admit, you sounded wonderful tonight.”

“Nice singing with you too,” Baekhyun blushed once again, before abruptly walking off the stage. _Did he just make a pun?_

He slid out of the crowd, Chanyeol’s sweet smile still implanted in his mind. He just couldn’t forget how warm that smile was, how much he wanted to stroke his soft-looking black hair and write one hundred songs about it. Baekhyun could imagine Kyungsoo laughing at his fantasies. In fact, Kyungsoo was waiting for him with a look on his face that signified he had been holding in laughter for ages. And he had actually been holding in his laughter.

“Wow,” Kyungsoo remarked. “Just wow.”

“What?” Baekhyun shrugged, smiling. “It’s not like I got his number or anything…but he was kind of hitting on me back there, hehe…”

The younger man gave him a playful kick on the ass. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You just sang with Monodrama, okay? We need to tell Jongdae about this. As soon as possible.”

*

Jongdae just wrapped up recording his next single when he received a phone call from Baekhyun the next day, which he picked up with a nonchalant tone in his voice. “Yo.”

“You won’t believe what happened last night.”

“You sang with Yeol.”

“What? How did you know—”

Jongdae laughed. Of course he knew. “We’re under the same label and Monodrama’s been in the studio since this morning. They won’t stop talking about last night. Apparently, Jongin here has a little crush on ‘Baekhyun’s strong but tiny friend’.”

“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun let out a laugh. “Did Chanyeol say anything about me?”

“Um, he said you’ve got a nice voice.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Oh, shit, I’m gonna be late for my shift. Gotta leave for the lab now. We’ll catch up soon, okay?”

“Okay. See ya.”

A tall figure stepped in as Jongdae put his phone back on the table. “Did I just hear someone mention Monodrama on the phone?”

Jongdae smirked. “I wasn’t talking shit about your band, if that’s what you’re wondering about. You’ve never talked shit about ‘CHEN’, so I’m not going to talk shit about Monodrama either.”

“I’m relieved to hear that,” Chanyeol chuckled. “I’m not relieved to hear the lies you told Baekhyun, though. I didn’t just say I liked his voice.”

 _Unbelievable,_ Jongdae thought, sighing. The man had been nagging him about Baekhyun countless times already ever since he entered the studio that morning and Jongdae told him Baekhyun was a close friend of his (he regretted telling Chanyeol that now). “Why are you so obsessed with him?”

Chanyeol shrugged. “I just can’t get him out of my mind. I’ve written ten songs about him already, and I don’t know a single thing about him except his first name and the fact that he smells like strawberries. Even worse, I can make a whole album about him. But of course the boys won’t let me do that.”

“Shit, Yeolie. You’re such a girl.” _It’s even funnier because he said all of that in his manly voice. Unbelievable._ “Imagine a concept album about Byun Baekhyun called Strawberry Fields Forever by Monodrama. I’m crying my ass off, man. How touching—”

The taller man couldn’t hold in his laughter, shoving Jongdae playfully. “Oh, shut up!”

“Alright, alright. I’ll help you out if that means hearing and seeing less of this sad Baekhyun fanboy thing you’ve got going on.”

“Really? Thanks, man! I’ll tell everyone to go get themselves a CHEN album. I’ll promote it like crazy.”

Chanyeol proceeded to give Jongdae a (manly) hug. Jongdae couldn’t blame him. The man may be an extremely charismatic, tall lead singer with a charming, sexy glance, a deep, raspy voice, and a set of abs to die for who had stolen the attention of both fangirls and fanboys from all over Korea, but it was no secret that he was just a giant softie who really loved hugs. “Yes, I’ll help you out. Now get off me.”

*

It had been a busy week for Baekhyun. Singing at bars almost every night, assisting researchers with their work, teaching his younger cousin math, and of course, thinking of Chanyeol. _Really? Is it just my voice that he likes? Well, that’s better than nothing,_ Baekhyun thought, scrolling through the unread messages on his phone. He decided to ignore everyone during this busy week. Everyone, but this one anonymous texter.

For some reason, Baekhyun couldn’t tell if he was just bored or there was something about this stranger that attracted him into answering. He never had taken anonymous texts seriously before. Most of the time, he would assume someone was trolling him (could be Jongdae, or even Minseok when he’s not busy doing surgeries). But this time, he couldn’t stop himself from texting back.

>Unknown sender: is this Baekhyun?  
>Byun Baekhyun: yes  
>Byun Baekhyun: and you are…?  
>Unknown sender: a friend of jongdae’s. he told me you’re looking for a friend to go see radiohead live with next month  
>Unknown sender: maybe we could go together? :)

 _Seriously, Jongdae?_ Baekhyun giggled to himself. He was actually looking for a friend to go see Radiohead live with, though. Kyungsoo wasn’t a big fan of them, Minseok was busy as usual, Jongdae was also busy, and everyone else he knew weren’t keen on going either.

>Byun Baekhyun: sounds great  
>Byun Baekhyun: what’s your name btw? I feel weird not knowing your name before agreeing to see radiohead live with you haha  
>Unknown sender: does it matter anyway? :)  
>Byun Baekhyun: umm it does…?  
>Byun Baekhyun: what’s your name?

No reply. Baekhyun sighed as he put his phone down and decided to get back to work. What made him think it wasn’t a prank? Why did he even agree to go see Radiohead live with whoever was trolling him? Who knew, it could be Jongdae tricking him into thinking there was someone for him in this world. _As if,_ Baekhyun thought. He had shielded himself from heartbreak by refusing to fall in love with anyone but musicians, since he could fantasize about them without getting brokenhearted. But then again, he remembered he met Park Chanyeol in the flesh—and Chanyeol only liked him for his voice.

Even Kyungsoo wasn’t that hyped about Chanyeol hitting on him (if what he did could even be considered as hitting on someone) onstage. Kyungsoo was more interested in the fact that he sang with Monodrama. Baekhyun’s love life had been full of friends with benefits and one night stands since his second year of university, and that was probably the way it was going to be until he decided to settle down (which he probably wouldn’t, considering how his first serious relationship with a senior named Heechul completely broke him).

Baekhyun finished his work later than usual that day, his eyes heavy with sleep as he crashed into his warm bed. He checked his phone to see if the troll had texted back. Of course he hadn’t. _It’s not funny, you ass—_

His phone beeped.

>Unknown sender: just call me loey

The next thing he knew, the unknown sender had sent him a YouTube link. _Okay, this is getting fishy,_ Baekhyun thought. What if it was really Jongdae trying to troll him? What if it’s a shocking video of Pennywise from IT (since Jongdae knew he was scared of clowns)? _Whatever, fuck it, I’m opening this link. Let’s see what you’re all about, “Loey”._

Contrary to Baekhyun’s initial negative thoughts, it was Taeyang’s Eyes, Nose, Lips. _Why would a stranger randomly send me a Taeyang song?_

>Loey: did you like it?  
>Byun Baekhyun: who doesn’t like taeyang?

 _Bring it on, jukebox,_ Baekhyun thought as he sent “Loey” a link to Moon of Seoul.

>Loey: ah, moon of seoul  
>Loey: classic!  
>Byun Baekhyun: most of the stuff I listen to are classics  
>Byun Baekhyun: I’m kind of an old soul when it comes to music :/  
>Loey: send me more of your classic stuff pls  
>Loey: doesn’t have to be old k-pop

Baekhyun knew exactly what he wanted to send next.

_Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?_


	2. Endless Rain

Texting “Loey” had been an unstoppable habit for Baekhyun. Everywhere he went, everything he did, all he could think of was whether “Loey” had texted back or not. Kyungsoo and Minseok could see excitement filling up Baekhyun’s face, his lips being pulled into a wide smile for the first time in forever. This time, Kyungsoo was sure it’s not the fried chicken and the fact that Minseok was free for the first time in weeks that made Baekhyun so happy. He let out a small cough as he snatched the phone away from Baekhyun’s thin, milky white fingers.

“Give it back—”

“Enough with the texty-texty,” Kyungsoo shot him a look.

“It’s 2017 and there’s a massive technological revolution happening, but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore your real-life best friends over some cyber stranger Jongdae set you up with,” Minseok pointed out. “Ain’t that right, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo nodded, high-fiving Minseok with a smile. A defeated Baekhyun let out a sigh. “Jeez, you guys.” _Why are you two always so sassy?_

“Who’s this…Loey we have here…” Kyungsoo grinned to himself. “Is that even his real name? What kind of parents would name their kid Loey?”

“Of course it’s not his real name, dumbass,” Baekhyun muttered in annoyance. “We’ve been texting for a week now and he keeps telling me Loey’s his real name.”

“What if it’s Jongdae trolling you again?” Kyungsoo scoffed. “You know, sending you all these YouTube links, tricking you into thinking you’re exchanging beautiful songs with a random, romantic stranger, and in the end he’s going to send you a clip of Pennywise the clown?”

“Is it Jongdae?” Baekhyun asked Minseok. “You know, since you’re dating him and all…”

Minseok shrugged. “He never tells me a damn thing when he trolls people, okay? He always tells me about it right after the person finds out they’ve been trolled.”

That had happened before in Baekhyun’s final year of uni. Jongdae got a new number, didn’t tell Baekhyun about it, pretended to be Heechul, and sent him a clown screamer disguised as a link to a news article on Rain, Baekhyun’s favourite singer. But no, Baekhyun was sure this wasn’t Jongdae trolling him. “Have you seen the way this guy texts? So not Jongdae,” Baekhyun argued.

“Jongdae’s a pro at trolling, though,” Kyungsoo claimed.

“You’ve got a point there.”

_What if he’s right? What if it’s someone trolling me all along?_

All of a sudden, Kyungsoo’s phone rang. “Hold on, I gotta take this.”

 _Gotcha,_ Baekhyun thought, snatching his phone back from a distracted Kyungsoo.

>Loey: did you like the song I sent you this afternoon?  
>Byun Baekhyun: endless rain by x japan?  
>Byun Baekhyun: not the kind of song I typically listen to but it’s…beautiful  
>Byun Baekhyun: I liked it  
>Loey: glad you liked it :)  
>Byun Baekhyun: it’s so sad tho :( loving someone but never having the chance to let them know  
>Byun Baekhyun: I can relate to some extent…

“Yes, Jongin? Yeah, I’m at The Joint right now. Five more minutes? Okay, let me know when you’re here. Bye.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe what he just heard. Jongin? Did Kyungsoo just say ‘Jongin’ or was his mind playing tricks on him again the way it did when Chanyeol “hit on” him the other day? How did Kyungsoo even get Jongin’s phone number, if Baekhyun didn’t mishear or delude?

“What?” Kyungsoo asked. “You’re looking at me as if I just killed someone.”

“Kim Jongin?” Baekhyun muttered.

Kyungsoo nodded. “Yeah…”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Baekhyun exclaimed. “You’re going out with Kim Jongin of Monodrama and you didn’t tell me? You got his number and you didn’t tell me? DO KYUNGSOO—”

Kyungsoo broke into laughter. “Jesus, Baekhyun. We got set up by Jongdae and Jongin’s bandmates a few days ago, okay? No big deal. It’s just a date.”

“It’s not just a date!” Baekhyun pouted, leading a previously confused Minseok into laughter. “Wait…if Jongdae set you up with Jongin…why didn’t he set me up with Chanyeol?”

“Dunno, ask Jongdae. Anyways, I gotta go. That’s Jongin over there.”

Kyungsoo said his goodbye and packed up his things as he walked for the door. Kim Jongin stood tall with his phone in his hand and an enticing smirk on his face, dressed up in a black button-up and a pair of tight black jeans. Baekhyun had to admit, he was smoking hot. How did Kyungsoo even score a date with someone so hot anyway? Baekhyun couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

Why did Jongdae agree to set him up with Jongin? Oh, right, Jongin couldn’t stop talking about “Bacon’s strong, tiny best friend.” Baekhyun was so used to this. Kyungsoo was the attractive, boy-magnet best friend. Baekhyun, on the other hand, was the “slutty best friend” who had never scored a real date after he left Heechul, just one night stands and friends with benefit.

“What’s wrong, Baek?”

Baekhyun turned to look at Minseok. “Nah, nothing. It’s just…Jongdae and the rest of the band set him up with Jongin.”

“And?”

“Jongdae knows I like Chanyeol. But why didn’t he set me up with him? Why is it that Kyungsoo always gets the good guys and I…”

“Baek…”

“Chanyeol said he liked my voice. But that’s all. Jongin on the other hand admitted he’s totally into Kyungsoo.”

Minseok couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Maybe Jongdae just didn’t notice how much you liked Chanyeol. Or, you know, maybe he just wants you to focus on your music for now. Relationships can be so distracting.”

 _Then why are you dating Jongdae?_ Baekhyun thought. “Right. I don’t know…it’s like…all of my friends are getting into relationships and then there’s me. You’re dating Jongdae. Kyungsoo’s dating Jongin. Luhan’s with Sehun, living their happily ever after in Munich.”

“Relationships aren’t as ‘beautiful’ as people make it out to be, Baek. Trust me. Even Jongdae and I have arguments sometimes and…we don’t meet up that often. I’m busy doing surgeries and he’s busy recording. Plus we don’t do typical romantic couple stuff. Jongdae may be all sunshine and rainbows but he’s pretty detached, I’m sure you’ve noticed. So…logical.”

Baekhyun nodded. It was no use talking to Minseok, of course. He should’ve known that.

“Shit,” Minseok exclaimed. “Gotta run. One of my patients just ran in with a case of aneurysm. Catch up again soon?”

“Sure,” Baekhyun smiled weakly. “See ya.”

“Take care, Baek.”

And just like that, Minseok left for the hospital. Baekhyun was once again all alone in the fried chicken joint, sighing into his phone as a notification jolted him awake. It’s Loey.

>Loey: you can relate to endless rain?  
>Loey: how so?  
>Byun Baekhyun: it’s this guy I met at a bar the other day  
>Byun Baekhyun: he’s really charming, he’s probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my whole life  
>Byun Baekhyun: I sang with him that night  
>Loey: so you’re a bar singer then?  
>Byun Baekhyun: um sort of  
>Loey: ok continue  
>Byun Baekhyun: so…this guy’s band has been playing cheap venues for a year now and they just got a record deal with a big entertainment company jongdae also got signed with  
>Byun Baekhyun: they’ve released 3 singles so far, and they’re really good. I’m a fan  
>Byun Baekhyun: I got the chance to sing with him that night  
>Loey: is he famous  
>Byun Baekhyun: yeah…ppl outside of seoul don’t know him, tho  
>Byun Baekhyun: we sang wonderful tonight  
>Loey: aha, I love that song  
>Byun Baekhyun: then he hit on me onstage, said I looked “wonderful tonight”  
>Byun Baekhyun: but that was it, he didn’t even ask for my number or come for me after the show  
>Byun Baekhyun: then I told jongdae about my encounter with this guy  
>Byun Baekhyun: the guy only said he liked my voice, but my friend kyungsoo got a date with the bassist. so pissed right now  
>Loey: wow, that guy sounds like an asshole  
>Loey: hitting on you onstage and leaving you like that while your friend gets set up with the bassist  
>Byun Baekhyun: yeah :(  
>Byun Baekhyun: I really liked him tho  
>Byun Baekhyun: but I didn’t get the chance to tell him  
>Loey: he’s not worth it

 _Of course he’s not. I’ve got an anonymous admirer sending me love songs now,_ Baekhyun smiled at his phone, feeling his cheeks wet with tears.

>Byun Baekhyun: I just feel so lonely  
>Byun Baekhyun: my friends have a special someone now and I’m here on my own  
>Byun Baekhyun: I want a special someone too y know  
>Byun Baekhyun: jeez, how did this turn out into a venting session  
>Byun Baekhyun: I’m sorry  
>Loey: don’t be  
>Loey: it’s ok, I know how it feels  
>Byun Baekhyun: sorry for burdening you with my life story :(  
>Loey: stop apologising :( just let it all out. I’m here to listen  
>Byun Baekhyun: really?  
>Loey: can I call you?

Baekhyun could feel his heart pounding. Skipping a beat, even.

>Byun Baekhyun: yes

Loey’s caller ID showed up on screen. Without hesitating, Baekhyun picked up, wiping the tears from his eyes. “L-Loey?”

“Hey, Baekhyun,” a deep, velvety voice answered. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. No, actually, I’m not okay. My best friends just left me alone at a fried chicken joint and I’m feeling lonelier than ever,” Baekhyun whimpered. How did he find it so easy to open up to a stranger whose face he’d never seen before? “Good God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Baekhyun. Go, spit it all out. I’m all ears.”

He sounded so awfully familiar.

“When I first entered university, I met a guy named Heechul. He was a senior and I had this big crush on him. He’s just…really smart, a genius even, and that’s something I used to look for in a guy. I did everything I could to make him like me. After several months, he started to go after me. We started dating around two weeks later. H-his mom hated me. His friends made fun of me because they thought I was weird. He never defended me. He used to make fun of me for getting average grades back in my first year of university too—it was during my second year that I started studying hard and getting really good grades, but he still made fun of me for not being able to get a summa cum laude GPA like him. He was flirting with someone else too at the time. Eventually, I had enough. I left him, but his friends went for me, spreading rumours about me. Ever since then, a lot of people made mean jokes about me and called me names.”

“What a dick.”

“After that, I’ve never dated anyone seriously anymore. I keep remembering what happened between Heechul and me, and I’m never letting love hurt me ever again. But look what I just got myself into. A hot singer hit on me at a bar and I’m crying at a fried chicken joint. My friends got into relationships and Heechul got married to a girl and I…I’m here all alone. But who cares anyway?”

“I know things are hard, but trust me, you’re not alone, Baek. Someone really cares about you, I can assure you.”

Baekhyun could swear he’d heard it somewhere. That deep, soothing voice. He just couldn’t remember where he’d heard it before.

“You’ve got me,” Loey said.

“You…you haven’t even met me,” Baekhyun chuckled nervously, biting back his tears. “I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Loey.”

“Oh come on, that’s not your real name, is it? What kind of Korean name is ‘Loey’? Did you expect me to just believe your name is Loey? I’m not stupid, ‘Loey’, if that’s even your real name. Are you trolling me and secretly laughing at my sad life story right now? Because if you are—”

“I’m not trolling you. Why would I be calling you in the middle of the night just to troll you?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re…maybe you’re sick in the head like those people who get turned on by killer clowns…”

Loey chuckled. “Where did you get that conclusion from?”

“I don’t know, okay? Please, just tell me your name.”

“Loey.”

 _Dammit,_ Baekhyun thought as he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae's not the only troll in the story it seems ;)


	3. At Gwanghwamun

Baekhyun ended up crying himself to sleep that night. He decided to ignore every text coming from “Loey” that night. He just couldn’t believe how someone would dare to troll him like that. Was it Heechul? Was it Jongdae? Whoever it was, this had to be the worst joke of the century. To think Baek had exposed himself to whoever it was talking on the phone.

 _I’ve been exposed, I’ve been exposed, how could I be so stupid?_ Baekhyun thought to himself, sobbing as he fell into deep slumber.

He woke up to tons of notifications on his phone. A missed call from Kyungsoo, five unread messages from “Loey”, three unread messages on his gang’s group chat, tons of unread messages on his family group chat, a snap from Jongdae (probably a video of people cosplaying as clowns on the street, Baekhyun decided he wasn’t going to bother opening it), and a missed call from his brother. _Great,_ Baekhyun made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. _Typical morning for Byun Baekhyun._

For some reason, he felt like opening the five unread messages first.

>Loey: did I say something wrong?  
>Loey: are you ok? who am I kidding, of course youre not. I’m sorry if anything I said on the phone offended you  
>Loey: is it my name? loey’s a cool name and I can’t thank my parents enough for naming me loey  
>Loey: baek?  
>Loey: are you upset with me?  
>Loey: good night, baek. don’t be upset with me for too long!

Baekhyun sighed. _Of course I’m upset with you. I just exposed my whole life story to you and you wouldn’t tell me your real name._

>Byun Baekhyun: ok, I won’t be upset with you anymore  
>Byun Baekhyun: but only under one condition  
>Loey: hi  
>Loey: welcome back from the dead!  
>Loey: and what condition is that?  
>Byun Baekhyun: I know for a fact that your parents didn’t name you “loey”  
>Loey: so?  
>Byun Baekhyun: will you please just tell me your real name :(  
>Loey: does it matter that much to you?  
>Byun Baekhyun: I know what you sound like. I know you love music. I know you’re jongdae’s friend, but jongdae and his bf minseok won’t tell me who you are  
>Loey: then you have enough knowledge about me to agree to go to a radiohead concert with me  
>Byun Baekhyun: it’s not about the radiohead concert  
>Byun Baekhyun: I just…don’t know how I exposed myself so freely to you last night. I don’t even know your name, what you do for a living, where you live, I don’t know you  
>Loey: you talked as if you’ve heard my voice before

 _Have I really heard his voice before, or was I being delusional during that call?_ Baekhyun paused and tried to remember what “Loey” sounded like. Deep, raspy, velvety.

He’s sure he’d heard “Loey” somewhere. What if he’d met “Loey” before and he didn’t realise it? His voice was too unique to miss. It was comforting—the kind of voice Baekhyun would want to hear during his worst days.

>Byun Baekhyun: I think I’ve heard it before, but I can’t remember where and when  
>Byun Baekhyun: just because I’m familiar with your voice doesn’t mean I know you, ok  
>Byun Baekhyun: please. just a name  
>Byun Baekhyun: or a hint of who you are  
>Byun Baekhyun: it makes me uncomfortable knowing you know my life story and I don’t even know you  
>Loey: you really wanna know?  
>Byun Baekhyun: yes

No more reply from “Loey”.

 _Whatever,_ Baekhyun thought. Once a troll, always a troll. Baekhyun had had enough of boys leading him on. Maybe “Loey” was the same as everyone else. But there was something about him that made Baekhyun want to open up.

He thought “Loey” was different.

Baekhyun spent the rest of his Saturday watching Grey’s Anatomy on TV (something he used to do with Minseok before Minseok got really busy). It always fascinated him how all these doctors had affairs with each other and a lot of things got messy in the end (maybe this was why Minseok chose to date Jongdae instead of a fellow doctor or a nurse). A certain character caught his eye—a dreamy doctor called Derek. Baekhyun smiled at the thought of dating a surgeon. Ever since he was little, he’d always imagined marrying a doctor (or a musician, but Park Chanyeol ruined that for him). It wasn’t until a text from “Loey” came that he was distracted from his daydreams of having a dreamy doctor boyfriend.

>Loey: meet me here during jongdae’s album launch tomorrow

Another link.

To Baekhyun’s surprise, it was a link to Kyuhyun’s At Gwanghwamun. “Loey” had never stricken Baekhyun as the type to listen to Kyuhyun. But maybe it’s because he didn’t know “Loey”. With a smile, Baekhyun didn’t hesitate to type “See you at Gwanghwamun” and press send.

_See you soon, Loey._

*

The streets of Gwanghwamun were more crowded than usual that evening. It was a Sunday and Seoul’s biggest new hit, CHEN, was having his first album launch there. He was accompanied by a couple of friends from the same label. Baekhyun knew Monodrama was going to be there, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to meet “Loey” in person and solve the puzzle of the year.

Jongdae was onstage, giving everyone his best smile as CHEN. “Hello, everyone! I’m CHEN and I’m proud to present you my very first album ‘Everytime’. First of all, I’d like to thank my beloved mother. Without her support, I wouldn’t have been able to stand here in front of you all…”

Baekhyun could see the guys from Monodrama walking around together—minus Jongin who was all lovey dovey with Kyungsoo. A particular sight extremely bothered Baekhyun.

_Was he just looking at me?_

He turned to see Park Chanyeol, all dressed up in a suit, laughing with Monodrama’s drummer Yixing and lead guitarist Kris, pulling his phone out of his pocket. _Of course not. Why the fuck would he? He’s an asshole, even “Loey” said so. Who knows, maybe he hits on everyone who sings with him onstage. Maybe he’s texting whoever his new prey is and laughing it off with his friends._

_He looks really good in that suit though, I’ll have to give him that._

>Loey: I’m here  
>Byun Baekhyun: I’m here too  
>Byun Baekhyun: I’m wearing a black blazer and a striped T-shirt underneath

With a wide smile on his face, Chanyeol walked away from his friends, leaving them giggling as if Chanyeol was about to prey on another innocent fan. Baekhyun decided he had enough of the sight. He turned away to talk to Minseok who was taking pictures of Jongdae.

>Loey: hey, I can’t find you  
>Loey: whereabouts in gwanghwamun are you?  
>Byun Baekhyun: I’m with minseok, just in front of the stage  
>Loey: coming

Baekhyun kept looking over at the crowd. He could only focus on the sight of Chanyeol sliding his way in, standing tall among everyone. _Good Lord, when are you going to stop?_ He just kept getting closer and closer. Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. He just wanted “Loey” to rescue him from Chanyeol.

>Byun Baekhyun: change of location  
>Byun Baekhyun: meet me near the ice cream stall  
>Byun Baekhyun: some creep is stalking me, I gotta run  
>Loey: what does he look like?  
>Byun Baekhyun: black hair pushed back, suit, really tall, skinny but built

At least the ice cream stall looked safe. Baekhyun knew Chanyeol wouldn’t follow him there. He’d be seen as a childish freak by his fangirls. Baekhyun let out a sigh of relief as he stopped by the stall and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

>Byun Baekhyun: what do you look like?  
>Byun Baekhyun: you know, just in case you can’t find me

“Baekhyun-ah,” a deep voice called out.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun retorted. “I thought you only liked my voice. You led me on.”

“That’s not true,” Chanyeol smiled, pulling his wallet out of his pocket. “Want some ice cream? You look a bit tense.”

“I’ll buy one myself, thank you.”

Chanyeol laughed. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Why would I be happy to see you? Just stop, okay? Whatever you’re doing, it’s not working on me.”

 _Shit,_ Baekhyun thought. Chanyeol had a sad pout on and it made him look like a sad puppy, staring at Baekhyun one last time before walking away to rejoin his friends. _Too cute, but he’s an asshole. Even “Loey” said so. Don’t waste your time on him, Baekhyun._

He did look hurt, though. But, whatever, Baekhyun decided he had more important matters to tend to. Such as reading an unread message from his anonymous admirer.

>Loey: black hair pushed back, suit, really tall, skinny but built

“WHAT?”

Everyone in the crowd turned to look at a disoriented Baekhyun, who was now covering his mouth in shame. “Sorry, I was just…”

Chanyeol’s eyes were on him once again. He ran straight for the taller man, who was now holding two cones of ice creams in his hands. Only now, his sad puppy look was replaced by his usual handsome grin, the one that made Baekhyun fall for him in the first place. It never occurred to him that “Loey”—his Loey—was Park Chanyeol. Park fucking Chanyeol, out of all people. He told Park Chanyeol he was pissed at Park Chanyeol. He told Park Chanyeol his life story at a fried chicken joint on a Friday night.

“It’s my nickname spelled backwards,” Chanyeol said. “Yeol. Loey.”

“I should’ve known,” Baekhyun chuckled.

“It’s okay. I thought you’d think I was Jongdae trying to troll you if I told you I was Chanyeol from Monodrama, so I used a pseudonym. Ice cream?”

 _Jongdae will pay,_ Baekhyun thought, grinning to himself as he grabbed one of the cones from Chanyeol’s hand. “Jongdae told me you liked my voice and didn’t set us up but he set Jongin up with Kyungsoo, so I thought you weren’t into me.”

“That bitch,” Chanyeol laughed his loud, lively laugh again. “I had to nag him to give me your number.”

Baekhyun knew why. Jongdae was there for him during his hard times, when he left Heechul and Heechul’s friends started spreading those nasty rumours. Jongdae was there when people would stare at Baekhyun and call him names behind his back. The only person who would team up with Baekhyun during wet labs was Jongdae (Kyungsoo would've teamed up with him, but he was far way in the US when Baekhyun needed him the most). Baekhyun would tell him how brokenhearted he was, how he didn’t want to get hurt anymore.

Of course Jongdae, as the one who had always kept track of Baekhyun’s love life (and sex life, even though he preferred not to know), would be protective over him. Of course Jongdae would’ve tested out how into Baekhyun Chanyeol was before letting anything happen between them. Jongdae didn’t want him to get hurt again.

The two walked around the streets of Gwanghwamun with ice cream cones in their hands, in awe of each other’s beauty. All of this time, the person who had comforted Baekhyun through his loneliness was calling himself an asshole and making fun of himself on text. The person who sent him all those beautiful songs was right in front of him—and damn, not only he had the heart of an angel, he also looked like one.

“Chanyeol’s an asshole, am I right?” Chanyeol smirked, staring into the shorter’s eyes.

“You, Park Chanyeol, are an asshole for saying that,” Baekhyun let out a laugh. “How dare you insult Chanyeol like that?”

“At least I’m an attractive asshole.”

Baekhyun launched a fake punch. “A funny one. You’re so funny I just want to kiss you sometimes.”

“Oh, really?”

_Dammit, Yeol. Your taste in music is kissable, your dry humour is kissable, your corny texts are kissable, your sad puppy face was kissable, everything about you is just…kissable._

Baekhyun couldn’t imagine himself saying those words to Chanyeol—except that he did. Chanyeol looked at him with his wide eyes, once again looking like a giant puppy. How could someone look so cute yet sexy at the same time?

All of a sudden, Chanyeol felt something warm pressed against his lips. His eyes instantly closed, lips engulfing the shorter man’s lips back as he cupped Baekhyun’s cheeks in his hands. Baekhyun’s arms were now wrapped around his waist, not wanting to let go.

“You have mochi cheeks,” Chanyeol pointed out.

The shorter man didn’t answer. He buried his head in the taller man’s chest, softly humming along to the song Jongdae was singing onstage. Chanyeol couldn’t help but lay his chin on Baekhyun’s crown. He was just too cute, with his angelic voice, his soft caramel brown mop of hair, his talkative attitude, and his mochi cheeks.

_“Oh, every time I see you…”_

_Beautiful,_ Chanyeol thought. “We should sit down,” he said, leading Baekhyun to a bench. The two sat together, snuggling under the dark night sky, just talking. Baekhyun now knew Chanyeol had an older sister and that he owned a dog. He found out that Chanyeol was a music major and graduated at the same time as him (they’re the same age), that Chanyeol liked to go bowling and try out new cooking recipes in his spare time, that he’d tried at least fifteen different shades of hair colour (and decided black looked best on him). When they finally decided it was late, Chanyeol offered to walk him home.

“Will you be free next Friday?” Baekhyun asked, unlocking the door in front of him.

“Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.”

“Will I be seeing you again?”

Chanyeol nodded. “Of course.”

They went on to have ice cream dates every week. This led to them meeting up at Gwanghwamun as often as possible, going to karaoke together, and sometimes even jamming at the studio together when they weren’t too busy. Chanyeol loved the way Baekhyun’s voice sounded whenever he sang or hummed along to a melody. The way Baekhyun’s face lit up whenever Chanyeol played the guitar and serenaded him—it made Chanyeol think twice about leaving when Monodrama was due for a world tour. After the release of Monodrama’s debut album, the band received positive reviews from international music magazines and international fans. Baekhyun, who had just started recording his demos and had grown quite the Soundcloud fanbase, couldn’t believe he was dating a _famous person._

And now he’s leaving.

“It’s just for five months. I’ll be back before you can say ‘kkaebsong’.”

Baekhyun pouted, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s dark hair, Chanyeol’s head resting on his lap. “That’s still a long time. I can’t even stand not hugging you for a week. You’re too soft and cuddly.”

“ _You_ ’re soft and cuddly too,” Chanyeol let out a soft chuckle, taking Baekhyun’s free hand in his.

“No, you are. Although I do want to be soft and cuddly.”

“Why are you so damn cute?”

“I’m not!”

Chanyeol yawned, his eyes now closed with sleepiness. Baekhyun could see the tired look on the taller man’s face. Album promotion and the shows were tiring him. Baekhyun lifted his body and placed his head on a pillow, covering him with one of the blankets lying on his feet. Chanyeol deserved a rest, and that’s what he was getting.

Baekhyun turned to look at his sleeping boyfriend once again, smiling at the sight of Chanyeol sleeping so peacefully.

*

Nothing.

Baekhyun saw nothing.

Everything was dark, and no one was there. Baekhyun was trapped, lost in a world of nothingness. It was as if he had fallen into an abyss and the abyss had been covered by a big rock. He couldn’t see anything, it was hard for him to breathe, everything was dark.

_Where the fuck am I?_

Baekhyun could feel tears falling out of his eyes.

_Where’s Chanyeol?_

“Yeolie,” Baekhyun sobbed. But Chanyeol wasn’t there. Where could he be?

Baekhyun looked around, and still, everything was dark.

“Chanyeolie?” he called out. “Yeolie, I’m scared…”

No answer from Chanyeol. Baekhyun was truly on his own now, crying himself to death in the abyss (or whatever it was). He knew there was no way out. There was no way out of this darkness, this lonely place where Park Chanyeol wasn’t there to save him…

Until he heard that angelic voice.

“I’m here, Baek.”

He could feel strong arms holding him tight, fingers on his hair, Chanyeol’s voice soothing him. Baekhyun opened his eyes to a worried Chanyeol, stroking his hair and pulling him tighter into an embrace in their bed. Tears streamed down his face as he nuzzled into Chanyeol’s chest, wrapping his arms around his beloved boyfriend.

“C-C-Chanyeol,” he stuttered.

“It’s just a nightmare, babe,” Chanyeol muttered, planting a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead.

“I was trapped in an abyss and…it was utter darkness down there—there was nothing there—you weren’t there…and…and…”

“It’s okay, Baekkie. You’re safe with me.”

“I’m just so scared.”

“You don’t need to be scared when you’re with me.”

Baekhyun nodded, burying his face deeper into his boyfriend’s chest. Somehow it gave him a sense of security he never had before. Chanyeol’s arms around him, his chest, his calming voice, his beautiful smile, everything screamed security into Baekhyun’s ears. Baekhyun couldn’t imagine having it taken away from him. He couldn’t bear to look at Chanyeol’s suitcase, now laid out on the floor, with all of his things packed for the next day’s trip.

The next morning, Baekhyun drove Chanyeol to the airport, blasting their favourite songs in the car. Chanyeol was looking good that day in his cap, black hoodie, ripped jeans, and Adidas sneakers. Baekhyun loved it when his boyfriend dressed so casually. He couldn’t help but smile and compliment his attire like a fangirl (lucky for him he didn’t have to deal with any that day since the Monodrama guys entered through the VIP passage).

“I’m so going to miss you,” Baekhyun held back his tears, reaching for a hug.

“I’m going to miss you even more,” Chanyeol smiled warmly, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Stay healthy, don’t stay up too late, don’t forget to eat, and finish those demos, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded as he pulled Chanyeol into one last kiss before he had the chance to walk away. Their lips locked in, both silently hoping no one was watching or taking pictures of them. Baekhyun pulled away slowly, his hands still cupping Chanyeol’s soft cheeks as tears stained his face. The taller man’s long fingers proceeded to wipe them away with a single stroke.

“You’re really cute when you cry, but you look even cuter smiling,” Chanyeol said softly. He was beginning to tear up as well. “I’d better get going now. See you in five months, love. Take care of yourself.”

“See you in five months,” Baekhyun muttered, wiping the love of his life’s tears in return. “Take care.”

“I love you, Byun Baekhyun.”

“Love you too, Park Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun could swear, the moment Chanyeol disappeared from his sight, something was telling him to grab him by the hand and make him stay.


	4. My Turn To Cry

The days went by as Baekhyun became engulfed in recording his demos. He knew what he wanted Chanyeol to see when he got home. His boyfriend signing a contract. He still remembered the delight he felt in his heart when Chanyeol announced Monodrama was going on a world tour. He knew Chanyeol would feel the same way.

He was going to make Chanyeol happy, no matter what.

Especially that Chanyeol had promised to dedicate another song for him and left his little studio in Seoul for Baekhyun to use. Baekhyun couldn’t remember what it felt like to have someone so devoted to him. It was quite bizarre yet exhilarating at the same time. That’s how he portrayed their story in his songs.

“I like this one,” Jongdae remarked, putting his headphone down. “Sounds vibrant. Finally, a song that’s not about Heechul. Happy Baekhyun is the best Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun laughed. “Must be awkward listening to me sing about kissing your colleague in the mouth.”

“I’ll get used to it. I mean, I’ve heard Jongin write lyrics about Kyungsoo, so…”

“What?” Baekhyun flinched, almost spitting his iced Americano.

“Chanyeol’s not the only lyricist in Monodrama, I’m pretty sure he told you that.”

“Yeah I know but…it’s just weird listening to my boyfriend sing about Kyungsoo…imagine Minseok becoming a singer and singing about Luhan.”

He wouldn’t admit it, but jealousy had found its way to Baekhyun’s heart. He knew Jongin was the one to write those lyrics, but the fact that Chanyeol had to sing them out was just too much for him. “Come on Baek, just because he sang those lyrics doesn’t mean he meant them. This guy’s head over heels for you.”

Jongdae knew how sensitive Baekhyun could be when it came to relationships. He knew how much of a jealous guy Baekhyun was, how distrusting Baekhyun could be. He knew how broken Baekhyun was after what Heechul and his friends did to him, and it was good that he made sure Chanyeol was in it for the long haul. For all he knew, Chanyeol could be messing around with Baekhyun, but something about the guy told him Chanyeol’s soul was as pure as a child’s—he wouldn’t even think of breaking anyone’s heart. At least not intentionally.

He knew Baekhyun hadn’t had enough sleep for weeks now, wasting his time writing songs about Chanyeol and thinking about him. Coffee had been his newest vice ever since his old one had gone on a world tour to promote his band’s debut album. He would also stay up late just to FaceTime Chanyeol almost every night, who always looked so excited to see Baekhyun’s mochi cheeks (though he couldn’t pinch them like he usually did, sadly). Seeing Chanyeol smile meant more than the world to Baekhyun, even though he wasn’t there to cuddle him to sleep, or to comfort him every time he woke up from a nightmare. The nightmares went more vivid as time went by. And of course Chanyeol didn’t know about it. Baekhyun didn’t want to burden his extremely busy boyfriend with the thought that he was struggling with nightmares back home.

Jongdae didn’t know about the nightmares either. But he knew something was up with Baekhyun’s sleeping cycle.

“Anyway, you should get some sleep when you get home,” Jongdae pointed out. “You look like a fucking panda. Just saying.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Baekhyun smirked, putting his coffee away.

“You’re a mess, you know? Both you and Chanyeol right now. You’re having problems sleeping and he’s overworking himself. He can barely take care of himself at this point.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “Wait, what happened?”

“Didn’t he tell you he passed out after a concert last night and they had to cancel tonight’s show in Amsterdam?”

_Weird, Chanyeol didn’t tell me he fainted. Usually whenever he’s sick or hurt he would literally crawl to my doorstep and beg me for attention._

“Um…he didn’t mention anything about fainting,” said Baekhyun. “We haven’t FaceTimed for three days.”

“Maybe now’s the best time to FaceTime him. You know, just a suggestion. You guys could use some time to relax and talk.”

_That’s rich coming from a guy who often forgets his surgeon boyfriend exists…_

But maybe Jongdae had a point. He was getting exhausted after all. All the sleepless nights without Chanyeol were taking a toll on his concentration. He would sometimes fumble when taking samples at the lab or write down the wrong lyrics whenever he was trying to write a song. His mind was fully concentrated on making Chanyeol proud, on scoring a record deal before his boyfriend returned from his world tour.

That night, for the first time since Park Chanyeol left for world tour, Baekhyun passed out against his soft, warm bed once he arrived home.

He woke up in an abyss. An even bigger abyss than the last one. Everything went black in a second as Baekhyun fell into nothingness. He screamed and screamed until he saw Chanyeol on top of the abyss, floating. Just floating there, looking at him with a sad expression on his face and wings on his back. _What in the world is going on?_

One thing for sure, Baekhyun couldn’t make sense of whatever the hell was going on. He felt strong arms around him, embracing him in a tight hug as he stopped falling. He opened his eyes to see a weeping Chanyeol holding him, with a soft look in his eyes, his fingers caressing Baekhyun’s locks of ash brown. “It’s okay, beautiful. You’ll be okay.”

“Yeolie, don’t leave,” Baekhyun sobbed into Chanyeol’s chest. “Don’t ever leave.”

The taller man smiled sadly, tears welling up in his eyes. “I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t. Don’t ever leave me.”

Chanyeol tightened his hug. “I can’t.”

“Don’t leave me then. Don’t let me fall.”

It wasn’t long until Baekhyun realised Chanyeol was disintegrating into pieces, starting with his wings. Even then, Chanyeol was still as beautiful as the first time Baekhyun saw him. The ethereal lead vocalist of Monodrama, the one he sang onstage with. Baekhyun couldn’t stand to watch the love of his life disintegrate. Tears flew down like a river down his face as he heard beeping sounds, making the situation even more unbearable.

Until he realised it was another nightmare and his phone was ringing.

“Babe?” Baekhyun called out, wiping his tears away as Chanyeol’s cheerful, yet pale face turned up on his screen.

“Hi, Baekhyunnie. How was your day?”

“Good. I recorded a demo and Jongdae liked it. How are you? You look a bit pale, is everything okay?”

“Same as always. I’m okay, really. I just really, really miss my boyfriend.”

Baekhyun couldn’t stand it anymore. Sure, he missed him too, but lying was never acceptable. “You don’t look okay.”

“I am, though.”

“I know you passed out last night and you’ve been on bed rest the whole day.”

“Okay, yeah, I did, but I’m fine, really. The doctor said it’s from extreme exhaustion and I can go back to performing in no time. It’s nothing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Yeolie?” asked Baekhyun, his voice now a bit taunting.

“I didn’t want you to get worried. Especially not when you’ve been losing sleep. You have eyebags, babe. Jongdae told me you’ve been binging on coffee at the studio.”

 _Fucking Jongdae._ “Still, you shouldn’t be keeping secrets from me.”

“You get nightmares when you worry too much. What happens when you have nightmares and I’m not there to comfort you? I don’t like the idea of you crying yourself to sleep alone after having a bad dream.”

_That’s what I just did._

“I’m your boyfriend, Chanyeol! It’s my job to worry about you.”

“Fine, fine. That’s a good argument,” Chanyeol chuckled, resting his chin on his blanket. “I really miss you, you know?”

“Miss you even more, love. Wish I was there to take care of you.”

“No, I miss you more!”

“Are we really going to fight over who misses who more—"

The two broke down into laughter. Baekhyun had missed moments like this. If he could stop Chanyeol from walking away that day, he would. He had never been loved this way—not even by Heechul. No one had ever shown him such affection and passion. Park Chanyeol was his past, present, and future. To him, Park Chanyeol was the world.

*

It turned out that Chanyeol was right. It was nothing. He recovered in just two days, regaining the energy to sing about Baekhyun (and Kyungsoo—purely Jongin’s idea, not his) and put smiles on Monodrama fans’ faces. Baekhyun had less worries about him now and returned to a state where nightmares didn’t keep him up at night, but thinking about what Chanyeol was doing at that moment still did.

It wasn’t until Chanyeol FaceTimed him to tell him he had set an early return date to Seoul, a day before his bandmates (who wanted to get more out of Europe) were scheduled to leave, that Baekhyun felt as if he had to endure missing Chanyeol forever. Chanyeol missed him too, and he wanted to come home to Baekhyun as soon as possible.

As time passed by, Baekhyun couldn’t stand waking up alone in his bed anymore. He had his calendar marked just so he could keep track of how many days he had until Chanyeol’s return. His friends could swear he was obsessed with the calendar, the way he always scrutinized it every single morning. Kyungsoo came over one morning and saw Baekhyun marking the calendar with a wide smile on his face—one Kyungsoo had never seen before.

What made it even weirder was that Baekhyun was all dolled up. He had some eyeliner on and he was dressed up in his favourite Supreme T-shirt, a leather jacket, an expensive pair of jeans, and a pair of Ultra Boost sneakers.

 _Sexy Baekhyun is…weird. Not sexy,_ thought Kyungsoo. _Jongin’s sexy. Not Baekhyun. But I have to admit, this look looks so good on him._

“You know what day it is,” Baekhyun said, distracting Kyungsoo from his thoughts, his voice more cheerful than usual.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Uh, Tuesday?”

“Not just any Tuesday!”

“No idea then.”

He swore Baekhyun was acting more than just childlike. It was beginning to scare the shit out of him. “Chanyeol’s coming home today!”

“Oh yeah,” Kyungsoo remarked. “Jongin’s flying in tomorrow. Hey, how come your boyfriend gets to come home earlier than mine?”

“He told them he had a family emergency,” Baekhyun laughed. “He’s such a bad liar, I wonder how they didn’t catch him. Anyway, I gotta go now.”

That smile didn’t leave Baekhyun’s face until he reached the airport. He was ready to fall into Chanyeol’s arms once again. He was more than ready to hold him and tell him how much he had longed to see and touch him again.

Baekhyun sat down at his favourite café with a cup of Americano, staring at the wall-mounted TV. _Of course they have the news on,_ he thought, sipping his coffee. _Politics will never get old especially when it comes to whatever’s going on between the US and North Korea._ He smiled at the thought of talking about the news with Chanyeol when he came home, his head resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder as they switched through news channels.

The airport was fuller than usual that day. Baekhyun wondered how he was going to find Chanyeol in the crowd. He didn’t want to get so worked up about it, but everything about Chanyeol just got him so worked up. He could say the same thing about the guy staring at him from a distance too, enjoying his cup of coffee. He could swear that guy was staring at him and getting all worked up. He had soft, dark brown hair and a porcelain complexion. His facial features screamed perfection and he was holding a book in his right hand.

 _Sure, you’re hot, but I’m taken,_ Baekhyun thought, taking another sip of his Americano. The guy took another glance at him before focusing his attention on the news.

“Several planes have been reported to go missing and crash in the past few hours due to this explosion. Among missing flights are CBX04, CBX900, OSH150, and XLH528…”

Baekhyun tried to remember Chanyeol’s flight number. It couldn’t be one of those flights. He remembered Chanyeol’s flight number perfectly and it was nothing near those flight numbers. _Nothing to worry about._

“CY61 has been reported to crash in the middle of its journey to Seoul…”

_Seoul._

Baekhyun jolted awake. The flight number seemed too familiar. Not to mention it was heading towards Seoul. _Poor passengers,_ he thought as he finished off his Americano. The good-looking guy who had been staring at him had now packed up his things. But it seemed he wasn’t ready to leave just yet. His eyes were still glued at the TV screen.

“Remains of the victims’ bodies are yet to be found, as CY61 has crashed into the sea and only several parts of the aircraft have been recovered. Among those missing is rock singer Park Chanyeol…”

Nothing could describe Baekhyun’s world ending the second he saw the love of his life’s face on TV, smiling like an angel at the camera. How did this happen? One second he was FaceTime-ing Chanyeol, telling him about his day, getting mad at him for not letting his boyfriend know he was sick, hearing Chanyeol play a song for him on the guitar, and the next thing he knew his beloved was in a plane accident.

“You said you didn’t want to leave me,” Baekhyun mumbled as he lost sense of the world around him.

Park Chanyeol was his world.

Everything went dark as Baekhyun fell to the floor, his eyes closed as a tear dropped, staining his pearly white cheek. The back of his head had almost hit the ground when a strong pair of arms lifted him up, cradling him.

“Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Kim Junmyeon speaking here. I'm at the airport and I need an ambulance, stat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me a week to update this, but I'm back! Changed the band's name to Monodrama since Chogiwa makes the story a lot less tragic


	5. A Million Pieces

_Where the hell am I?_

The fluorescent lights and white scheme of the room seemed so familiar to Baekhyun. It took him a while to realise he was in a hospital bed, grasping the thin blanket on his lap tight before the IV needle stuck in his hand gave him a sting. _Fuck, that hurt._ He scratched the back of his head with his free hand, staring around him. He saw his best friend sitting by his bed, worry painted all over his usually straight, emotionless face.

“You’re awake,” Kyungsoo’s face turned flat once again.

“What happened?”

Kyungsoo continued to stare at him with no expression on his face, as if he expected Baekhyun to remember everything. Which, he did now. Waiting for Chanyeol at the airport. Sitting at his favourite café with a cup of Americano in his hand. The hot guy sitting across from him with a book who wouldn’t stop checking him out. The news. The missing planes. The unfortunate plane crash.

_“Among those missing is rock singer Park Chanyeol.”_

He remembered the news caster’s voice very well.

“His plane crashed into the sea,” Baekhyun mumbled as he sat up. “Chanyeol is missing.”

“You heard the news and fainted at the airport café. Luckily there’s a doctor sitting across from you and he called up an ambulance to get you here. I came as soon as the hospital called. Your mom, dad, and brother are still in Bucheon visiting your grandma but they’ll be here as soon as possible. Minseok’s in surgery and Jongdae’s still on his way here.”

Baekhyun didn’t want anyone but Chanyeol. “B-But…Chanyeol…”

“I’m so sorry, Baek,” Kyungsoo muttered, leaning in to hold his sobbing best friend. “I really am.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know Chanyeol very well. He had met him several times, but he wasn’t too enthusiastic on making his best friend’s boyfriend a part of his very short best friends list. He knew Chanyeol was a good man, though. Anyone whose passing could make Jongin call him up in the middle of the day crying hysterically meant a lot to Kyungsoo. Anyone who meant a lot to Jongin or Baekhyun meant a lot too to Kyungsoo.

“He’s missing and there’s nothing I can do about it,” Baekhyun whimpered, digging deeper into Kyungsoo’s embrace. “Fuck it. I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“Let’s just hope for the best, okay?”

“Even if he’s alive, he must be struggling to survive. He must be starving, cold, and lonely. My poor gigantic baby.”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Baek. You do know that…”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Kyungsoo didn’t want to get Baekhyun’s hopes up, but he didn’t want to cause him any more pain either.

Baekhyun’s sobs became uncontrollable as he realised how impossible it was for Chanyeol to survive such crash. _You promised, Yeolie. You promised you’d come home and dedicate another song for me._ Kyungsoo held his best friend tighter. He knew how much Chanyeol meant to Baekhyun.

“Oh, hey, you’re up,” Minseok entered with another man in a white coat. “Baek, I’m really sorry to hear about Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun wiped his tears away, looking up at the other doctor who seemed so familiar to him. It didn’t take him long to realise that was the man from the airport café earlier this noon. Only now he was dressed up in a white coat, with a calming smile on his face.

But nowhere near as calming as Chanyeol’s smile.

“By the way, this is my colleague, Junmyeon. He’s the head of cardio here and he’s been monitoring you for the past few hours.”

“What? Did I just have a heart attack or something?” Baekhyun asked, his tone creepily flat and devoid of emotions. _Good. At least now I know it won’t be long before I can meet up with Chanyeol in heaven if he’s really gone._

Junmyeon leaned forward to shake Baekhyun’s hand. “Good evening, I’m Dr. Kim Junmyeon. Nice to meet you. I’ll just get to the point since I have a surgery to prep for in a few minutes, is that okay with you?”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah.”

“We’ve run some tests to check if there’s any cardiac abnormality or brain damage that must’ve caused you to faint at the airport, but fortunately, we found nothing except for the fact that you were under shock due to hearing about a loved one going missing in a plane crash.”

 _Fortunately?_ Baekhyun wanted to laugh. It wasn’t fortunate for him to be stuck in this sick situation. A nightmare worse than any nightmare he ever had. He waited and waited for Chanyeol to wake him up, hold him tight in his arms, and run his fingers through his hair, telling him it was just a bad dream. But it he knew it would never happen.

Baekhyun was discharged later on that night. Kyungsoo drove him home, with Jongdae sitting at the back seat. Even his eyes were bloodshot. Baekhyun could tell he had been crying too. It’s no secret that Chanyeol was a dear friend to Jongdae. Hell, even Jongin cried on the phone. Baekhyun couldn’t imagine how hard it must be for the Monodrama guys to hear their lead vocalist went missing in a plane accident. It was hard for Baekhyun—it must be hard for Jongin, Kris, and Yixing too.

“How’s Monodrama coping?” he asked weakly, wiping another tear from his eye.

“Jongin and Yixing were crying their heart out on their way to the airport. Kris locked himself up in his hotel room earlier today, and now he’s refusing to talk to people,” sighed Jongdae. “Everyone’s a mess.”

 _Even Kris is a mess,_ thought Baekhyun, leaning his head on Jongdae’s shoulder as he started sobbing again. He’d never imagined it to end this way.

Chanyeol’s funeral was held the next week, with an empty casket. Baekhyun had to admit, the black coffin looked beautiful. It had one of Chanyeol’s tattoos, a guitar-like shape engraved onto it. He couldn’t stand looking at Chanyeol’s family as they passed by. His older sister looked like she had been crying all week long.

 _We’re not even sure if he’s dead,_ Baekhyun thought, keeping himself from bursting into tears in front of the Parks.

Yixing and Kris were seated at the front, both unusually silent. Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself up to talk to any of them. Jongin, on the other hand, was standing next to the empty coffin, weeping in Kyungsoo’s arms. Not a pretty sight for Baekhyun at all. But then again, it’s a funeral. Worst of all, it’s his boyfriend’s funeral. His “dead” boyfriend whose dead body wasn’t even found. Baekhyun couldn’t stand the thought of Chanyeol being castaway and trying to survive on an island by himself.

“Yo,” Baekhyun felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He turned around to look at a very tall figure standing before him.

“Hey, Kris,” Baekhyun muttered. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine. Sorry for your loss. Must be hard losing him after everything you guys have been through.”

“Thanks, man.”

Baekhyun could feel tears welling up in his eyes again. He managed not to cry his heart out before Yixing stood up and walked towards him.

“He really loved you, you know,” Yixing muttered, trying not to sob. “All of the love songs he wrote post-debut were about you. He bought matching Supreme T-shirts for you and him when we were in Sydney a few months ago. He even managed to lie to our manager so he could go home and meet up with you earlier.”

“And look where it got him. It’s all my fault.”

Yixing put an arm around Baekhyun, who was now uncontrollably sobbing in front of Chanyeol’s coffin (again). “It’s not your fault, Baek. None of this is. It’s not your fault and Chanyeol would hate it if you blamed yourself.”

“He would hate me if he was still alive.”

Yixing shook his head. “Chanyeol could never hate you.”

 _Heechul hated me. Everyone who fell in love with me ended up hating me,_ Baekhyun thought, walking away from Yixing. He needed to be alone for a while. At least Chanyeol’s friends had left him alone for now. But his thoughts wouldn’t. They were becoming darker, as if Baekhyun’s mind was spiraling down the abyss he had always dreamt of.

Maybe there was no abyss. Maybe the dark abyss was his life.

Baekhyun remembered it all. Out of all the boys he’d ever loved, Heechul and Chanyeol were the only ones who had left a mark in his heart. But Heechul was the same as everyone else. He left Baekhyun with more bad memories than good ones. Chanyeol was the only one who left Baekhyun with more good memories than bad memories. Hell, Baekhyun couldn’t even remember any bad moment he spent with Chanyeol. Except for that one fight they had a few weeks before Chanyeol left for world tour, or when Chanyeol didn’t tell him he was sick during the tour. He was everything Heechul wasn’t. Heechul was selfish with a great amount of self-hatred at the same time, short-tempered, and uncaring. Chanyeol was the complete opposite. Never once did Chanyeol yell at Baekhyun. Even when they fought, Chanyeol was mostly silent. _It’s hard to get him angry, but once he’s angry, he gets scary._

When Baekhyun got home that night, he felt as if the whole world was drowning before him. He fell right into the middle of his bed, still in his black suit, waiting for a pool of tears to drown him in his misery. Nothing else mattered now.

*

“I’m telling you, he hasn’t been answering my texts and calls since three days ago, Nini.”

“Are you sure he’s not taking a break from his phone and social media and all that after what happened to Chanyeol?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “I know Baekhyun, okay? We’re childhood friends. He wouldn’t disappear on me out of nowhere unless he’s…incapacitated.”

“Alright, alright. Hop in, baby.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” Kyungsoo gave his boyfriend a light kiss on the cheek as he hopped onto Jongin’s car.

The couple were in for a shit show that day. When Kyungsoo opened the unlocked front door to Baekhyun’s apartment, he found a mess of a living room with the TV still on. He proceeded to find Baekhyun’s bedroom door open, with Baekhyun lying face flat on his bed, still in the same attire he wore to his boyfriend’s funeral a few days ago.

“What the fuck?” Kyungsoo exclaimed. “Baek?”

No reply came from the mess of a man.

“Why is he still in his black suit?” Jongin asked. “Is he…”

Kyungsoo took Baekhyun’s wrist to check his pulse. “He’s alive. For now. His skin’s all cold and clammy. I think he hasn’t eaten for days now.”

“He’s been in that position for three days? Holy shit. Call Minseok!”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Minseok must be busy. I’m going to call that other doctor—Junmyeon.”

 _Thank God I saved your contact details,_ Kyungsoo thought, pressing the call button. He had saved the doctor’s details just in case something happened to Baekhyun. “Hello, Dr. Kim?”

“Hello, Dr. Kim Junmyeon speaking. How may I help you?”

“I’m Kyungsoo, your patient Byun Baekhyun’s friend. I just found Baekhyun unconscious and it seems like he’s severely dehydrated.”

Junmyeon instructed Kyungsoo to bring Baekhyun to the hospital as soon as possible, and that was exactly what he did. Leaving Baekhyun in the hands of Junmyeon relieved him. Baekhyun had always been the one taking care of Chanyeol (at least physically since Chanyeol was some sort of a workaholic and he often forgot to take care of his own physical needs. Chanyeol did the emotional caretaking bit for Baekhyun in return), but now he needed to be taken care of.

When Baekhyun woke up that evening, all he saw was the bright fluorescent lights and a man sitting by his bed.

_Am I finally dead? Is that Chanyeol?_

“Chanyeol?” he called out softly, sitting up and preparing his best smile before realising the man by his bedside wasn’t Chanyeol.

“Hello, Baekhyun.”

The hot doctor from the airport café.

“Dr. Kim?” Baekhyun mumbled in disappointment, falling back to his bed.

“Ah, you remember me,” Junmyeon smiled. “Call me Junmyeon.”

“What happened? Why am I in a hospital bed?”

“You technically tried to kill yourself by not eating and drinking any water for days, that’s what happened!” Kyungsoo’s deep voice yelled out from across the room. “How could you do that to yourself? How could you do that to Chanyeol?”

“At least if I died I would’ve met Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled back.

“Be thankful Dr. Kim saved your life!”

Junmyeon couldn’t help but chuckle at the fight. “Feels like I’m in a drama of some sorts. Anyway, Baekhyun, you’re suffering from a severe case of dehydration and hypoglycemia. We’ll be monitoring you for the next few days and we’ll have someone from the psych unit to come over for a short evaluation.”

 _Psych unit? Great,_ Baekhyun thought. _Just great._


	6. Welcome To Munich

The year is now 2019.

It’s been two years since CY61 went missing somewhere over the sea, taking 215 passengers down with it. Among those missing was a certain Park Chanyeol, followed by Byun Baekhyun’s will to live. The latter came back sometime around last year—the former didn’t. It took a year and a half, Dr. Kim Junmyeon’s heart, and months of counselling with clinical psychologist Dr. Huang Zitao to bring Baekhyun back from the dead.

It didn’t take long for Dr. Kim Junmyeon, who’s been used to tending to other people’s aching hearts, to get his heart aching for a certain someone and make the other person’s heart ache for him in return. After the disappearance/”death” of Park Chanyeol, Baekhyun regularly went for sessions with Dr. Huang at the hospital, which meant more seeing Baekhyun around for Junmyeon and more chance of taking him out for coffee, which was what Junmyeon did. But Junmyeon knew, from the first time he laid his eyes on Baekhyun, he had finally found the one.

It took only a while on Baekhyun’s part to realise the good-looking doctor had his eyes on him too. He wasn’t ready to find a replacement for Chanyeol back then (and he knows he’ll never be ready), but his friends eyed him with concern every time they hung out. Kyungsoo, Jongin, Minseok, and Jongdae would pester him again and again.

“Maybe you should consider dating Dr. Kim,” Kyungsoo suggested once. “The guy’s clearly into you. Plus he’s rich, nice, smart, and hot. Full package right there. Just saying.”

After being pestered by Kyungsoo again and again (Baekhyun couldn’t blame him, he was getting worried his usually extremely extroverted best friend was beginning to lose himself) and convinced by Minseok that his colleague was a good guy (nothing like Heechul), Baekhyun decided to go for it. He just didn’t know how attentive Junmyeon was. Is. Junmyeon always has his eyes on Baekhyun and everything he does. The way Baekhyun plays with his hair when he thinks no one is looking, the puppy-like expression on his face, his square-shaped smile, everything just screams out “this is the one you’ve waited for” to Junmyeon. Even the way Baekhyun cries every time he wakes up from a nightmare is adorable to the surgeon. He wonders when these nightmares are going to end, though. It’s as if the sessions with Tao have only made Baekhyun pretend to be fine for the past few months.

He still mentions a particular name in his sleep.

A name that makes Junmyeon’s blood boil in jealousy every night and every week, when Baekhyun does his grave-visiting routine. But he does feel something else other than jealousy whenever Baekhyun mentions Chanyeol or visits the cemetery.

_He’s in a lot of pain, and I’m not good enough to take his pain away._

“You know, sometimes I still feel like you’re alive somewhere, Chanyeol-ah,” Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol’s headstone. “I still see you in my dreams, keeping me from falling into the abyss. Remember when you used to wake me up from my nightmares and hold me tight, rubbing circles on my back until I fell asleep?”

Junmyeon realises one thing: Baekhyun doesn’t cry in front of Chanyeol’s headstone anymore.

“Well, that’s Junmyeon’s job now,” Baekhyun chuckles. “Don’t worry too much about me, okay? Junmyeon is protecting me now.”

 _This Chanyeol guy must be rolling in his grave with jealousy right now,_ Junmyeon thinks.

“Anyway, I’m releasing my debut album this Friday. Junmyeon, Jongdae, Kyungsoo, and Minseok will be there to support me. I know you’ll be there with me too, Yeolie.”

Junmyeon can’t help but smile. Chanyeol must’ve meant the world to Baekhyun. He may not know the guy, but he knows there’s still a special part in Baekhyun’s heart for him. Not in the literal sense, of course. Junmyeon has studied the anatomy of the heart like crazy ever since he got into one of the country’s top medical schools and he knows it’s no more than a blood-pumping organ. There’s a reason why he’s got more patients than any other heart specialist in Seoul. There’s a reason why he’s known as Seoul’s brightest, youngest cardiothoracic surgeon.

“Wanna talk to Chanyeol?”

Junmyeon shakes his head with a smile. “Let’s go for dinner. I’m paying.”

“Okay.”

Junmyeon takes Baekhyun by the hand as they walk towards the former’s BMW and head to the fanciest Italian restaurant downtown. Baekhyun will never get used to Junmyeon’s taste for fancy things and luxury (Chanyeol was loaded too, but he was more of a chicken joint or pizza kind of guy when it came to dinner dates. He’d usually take Baekhyun to The Joint or some pizza place unless Baekhyun wanted a fancy candlelight dinner), but this “well-paid, successful surgeon who used to be poor but now owns an estate and a BMW and dresses up in expensive, branded button up shirts and coats” thing he has going on is good for a change.

They sit face-to-face, with candles on the table lighting up Baekhyun’s cherubic face. Junmyeon has to admit, Baekhyun looks even more stunning this way. He’s dressed up nicely in an off-white sweater and a pair of expensive dark grey chinos Junmyeon bought for him the other day (although it’s probably because he was visiting Chanyeol’s grave earlier this afternoon), not to mention he dyed his hair platinum blonde a few days ago and looks so good with it.

“Platinum blonde looks good on you,” Junmyeon points out.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun takes a sip of his wine.

Junmyeon can’t help but notice Baekhyun has been looking at his phone for the past few minutes. Even when Junmyeon talks, his attention seems somewhere else. It’s like he’s drifting away, and Junmyeon can’t even catch his attention for crying out loud. Even his dad jokes aren’t working.

“Baekhyun-ya, are you there?”

“Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’m listening.”

Junmyeon sighs. “It seemed like you weren’t paying attention to what I was saying.”

“Oh, no, no, I was listening.”

 _Yeah, right,_ Junmyeon sips his wine. “You didn’t laugh at my joke.”

“That’s because it’s not funny. Your dad jokes are not funny and you know that,” Baekhyun points out.

Junmyeon pouts. “Good God. You could’ve at least pretended to laugh.”

“Nah,” Baekhyun shakes his head, looking at his phone once more. “Not in the mood to laugh right now.”

“What?”

If there’s one thing Baekhyun has never done before, it’s refusing to laugh at Junmyeon’s corny jokes. No matter how lame they are. Baekhyun’s always been Junmyeon’s dad jokes’ number one fan. But then again, there’s something different about Baekhyun today. Junmyeon can sense it.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Junmyeon asks, taking Baekhyun’s empty hand in his. “Is it…”

“It’s been exactly two years. Exactly. Two. Years. Today.”

“Baek…”

Tears start to spring from Baekhyun’s eyes. Junmyeon hasn’t seen him cry in public for almost a year now. Not even in front of Chanyeol’s headstone. He proceeds to hold the smaller man’s hand tighter as he wipes the tears from his eyes.

“I wonder if he’s…okay up there…you know…I mean, I’m about to release my album and…what if…it flops…he would…”

Junmyeon shakes his head, cupping Baekhyun’s cheeks in his hands. “Chanyeol loved you, okay? I mean, he loves you and he’s already really proud of you. Plus, I’m sure you’ll do great. You’ve worked really hard on your album. You’ve given it your all.”

“Have I?” Baekhyun sobs. “I feel as if I hadn’t worked my ass off enough on the album…”

“Oh, come on, the Aeris are obsessed with your new single!”

That put a little smile on Baekhyun’s face. “Aw.”

Junmyeon always knows how to make Baekhyun smile. His fans, though still little in number, are everything to him. They give him the comfort that no one else has ever given him ever since Chanyeol left him all alone. Not even Junmyeon can fill in the void. But the Aeris can.

When they get home that night, Baekhyun sits on the sofa and cries some more, staining Junmyeon’s $400 button-up shirt with his tears. Feels different from crying on Chanyeol’s $400 hoodie, but it’s comfortable enough for Baekhyun. Junmyeon wraps his arms around the younger man tighter as Baekhyun’s loud cries turn into small sobs, his breath slowly easing.

“Look, Baek,” Junmyeon says softly. “No matter what happens, Chanyeol will always be watching you from above. He loves you and so do I. We’re so proud of you.”

 _You don’t even know Chanyeol. We don’t even know if he’s really dead,_ Baekhyun looks up at Junmyeon. “What if he’s not dead?”

“Huh?”

“What if he…what if he’s tired of me and Monodrama so he decided to take the easy way out by faking his death?”

Junmyeon chuckles. “That doesn’t make sense. Why would he do that? Did he even have any control over the media? How could he fake a plane crash?”

Baekhyun shrugs. Junmyeon’s right, after all. There’s no way Chanyeol could’ve faked a plane crash that took down 215 passengers with it. But what if he survived and forgot all about Baekhyun and his friends in Seoul?

“I’ll be right there,” Junmyeon’s voice distracts Baekhyun away from the scenarios in his head as he ends the call and puts his phone away. “There’s an emergency at the hospital. Apparently Mr. Choi’s body rejected his new heart. I’ll be back as soon as possible, okay?”

“Okay,” Baekhyun smiles awkwardly.

“Love you,” Junmyeon plants a swift kiss on his lips before leaving for the door.

Alone again at last.

That’s how it’s always been for Baekhyun for the past two years.

***

The next day, Baekhyun wakes up more refreshed than before. His album release is in three days and he’s never been more excited in his life. Jongdae, Minseok, Kyungsoo, and Jongin are more than hyped to see their friend out and about and singing his heart out again. Better than seeing Baekhyun crying himself to sleep every night (the boys took turns taking care of him before Junmyeon started dating him) with a bottle of vodka in his hand, binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy in his dark bedroom, refusing to go out for drinks with his friends.

He finds the other side of the bed empty. _As usual._ Baekhyun’s used to Junmyeon coming home late and going to work very early in the morning, especially when he has critical patients to tend to. He loves how dedicated to his job Junmyeon is, just like Chanyeol who was devoted to music. _After all, that’s what makes him a good doctor. He sincerely cares about his patients, not only about his paycheck._

Baekhyun finishes his morning routine with ease, knowing his boyfriend will be back home by the time he finishes his work for the day. He makes his way to the mailbox as he hums the tune to Moon of Seoul, wondering what the postman has left for him today. He knows for a fact that Junmyeon didn’t have time to check the mailbox that morning, considering he had to leave extremely early to tend to Mr. Choi. He finds a mail written to him by none other than…

_Park Chanyeol?_

_Is this a scam?_

Baekhyun shrugs to himself. It wouldn’t hurt to just take a little peek of what’s inside, right? Maybe it’s a prank or a scam, but in that case, Baekhyun’s sure he would be able to tell (being a friend of Jongdae’s for so long, he can spot a prank pretty easily). Maybe Chanyeol did miraculously survive the crash. Or maybe it’s something that’s been there since ages ago that he forgot to read. Either way, Baekhyun feels compelled to read whatever “Chanyeol” has written him.

_Dear Baekhyun,_

_It’s me, Chanyeol. Your Chanyeol._

_How have you been? I hope you’re alright. I miss you so much it’s hard for me to breathe. You have no idea how much I want to go back to Seoul and hold you in my arms right now. It’s just not the same without you here._

_Sorry it took me so long to contact you. Yes, I survived the plane crash. I was in a coma for several months and woke up at a hospital in London sometime around last year. I lost my phone during the crash, meaning I lost your phone number. Hence why I’m writing this letter to you._

_After recovering from my injuries, I started traveling around Europe on foot and by train, trying to find inner peace. I cut out contact with people from Seoul and avoid every kind of social media so I can find peace in solitude. But I’m getting lonelier and lonelier every day, and I figured out I couldn’t live without you. I want you to join me in my little adventure._

_I’ve explored most parts of England, Scotland, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Germany so far. I’m currently walking around Munich, which is the last city in Germany I’ll be visiting. I’ll be waiting for you in Munich if you want to join me. I’ll be waiting at the park near the Marienplatz Square on Thursday at 12 PM sharp._

_Love,_

_LOEY._

Baekhyun can almost hear Chanyeol’s deep voice reading the words out loud to him. _Is this even real?_ He holds the letter close to his chest, trying to figure out if it’s a scam. _But he signed the letter with “LOEY”. No one else knows that’s his alias except for me, Kyungsoo, Minseok, and Chanyeol himself. But Kyungsoo and Minseok would never prank me like this…_

When Junmyeon comes home later that night, he’s furious.

“You can’t be serious about chasing after whoever sent you that letter. For all we know, it could be a scam.”

“But no one else knows about his alias!”

“Well, what if someone else does? What if Chanyeol never told you he gave out his alias to someone else?” Junmyeon raises his voice. “I don’t know, babe. I smell something fishy here.”

Baekhyun pouts in annoyance. “Oh, come on! What kind of sick asshole—"

“Your album release is on Friday, Baekhyun! Only a few more sleeps to go! And this…whoever this guy pretending to be Chanyeol is wants you to meet him somewhere in Germany on Thursday.”

“So?” Baekhyun yells. “Chanyeol is more important than my music career!”

“This guy is NOT Chanyeol. How come you’re so sure that this is really Chanyeol writing to you? Why couldn’t he bear with the pain of having to go on social media just to contact you? Why did he have to write you a damn letter?”

Baekhyun throws up his hands in the air. He just can’t deal with this anymore.

“Even if he is Chanyeol…why would you sacrifice your album release just to meet up with your ex who left you for two years without any explanation? You’re so close to achieving your dream!”

“Chanyeol is more than just an ex to me,” Baekhyun mutters, making his way to the bedroom to take his pillows and a blanket. “I’m ordering a plane ticket for tomorrow and sleeping on the couch tonight. You can take the bed.”

“Baek, you don’t have to do this.”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I have to. I’m going to see Chanyeol, no matter what it takes. Even if it’s a scam, at least it’s worth it. Chanyeol is always worth it.”

“Baek, listen to me—”

“You don’t understand, okay? You don’t know what it’s like to lose a lover and have them write to you after two years!”

“Baekhyun—” Junmyeon sighs. He hates fighting with Baekhyun. He hates not sleeping in the same bed with Baekhyun. “Alright.”

“What?”

“I said alright.”

“Alright?”

Junmyeon sighs once more. “I’ll buy us one-way tickets to Munich for tomorrow. I can’t just let my boyfriend travel to Germany on his own when there’s a risk of him getting scammed.”

“Really?” Baekhyun’s eyes light up. “Aww, thank you. Best boyfriend ever!”

 _Now you call me the best boyfriend ever,_ Junmyeon rolls his eyes as Baekhyun engulfs him in hugs. “I have an acquaintance who lives in Munich. Oh Sehun, my high school friend. He has an apartment near Marienplatz. I’ll let him know we’re staying over for a week.”

“Oh Sehun?” Baekhyun smiles. “That’s my friend Luhan’s boyfriend. I’ll tell Luhan I’m coming too.”

That night, Byun Baekhyun drifts through sleep without a nightmare for the first time in two years, before going on what can be considered one of the longest flights he’s ever taken. With Junmyeon by his side, he doesn’t have to worry about a thing. Even if it’s a scam, he knows Chanyeol is worth the risk. When they finally arrive in Munich, Baekhyun clutches Junmyeon’s arm tight, burying the crown of his head in the surface of his grey AMI hoodie.

“What’s wrong?” asks Junmyeon.

“I’m so sleepy.”

“That’s what you get for having a Grey’s Anatomy marathon on the plane instead of sleeping,” Junmyeon grins. “We’ll get some sleep later when we arrive at Sehun’s place, okay? We just need to find him and Luhan now.”

“Mm, okay.”

A tall figure waves at the couple from a distance. Baekhyun sees a familiar face—icy, flat, and expressionless, pearly white, angular in shape, straight-out gorgeous, something out of the movies. He’s wearing a white Thrasher T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Next to him is a slightly shorter man with big eyes and styled up caramel brown hair.

“Sehun!” Junmyeon shouts, running towards the younger man with precision, grabbing a sleepy Baekhyun by the hand.

“Junmyeon-hyung, Baekhyun-hyung, how are you?” Sehun leans in forward to give Junmyeon and Baekhyun a group hug, a cool tone still in his voice, followed by Luhan.

“We’re good, how are you guys?” asks Junmyeon.

“We’re good too. Baekhyun-ah, I’ve missed you,” Luhan chuckles, giving Baekhyun a pat on the back. “Welcome to Munich.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some minor HunHan ;)


	7. Like A Dream

The ride to Sehun and Luhan’s apartment from the airport takes about half an hour, during which Baekhyun comfortably nests his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder with his eyes closed, dozing off with a smile on his face. Junmyeon hasn’t seen Baekhyun sleep so peacefully before, and it relieves him that Baekhyun is finally getting some sleep.

“How’s he doing?” Luhan asks quietly. “I mean, he said he was fine but…”

“Let’s just say he’s coping,” Junmyeon replies. “He’s still not over Chanyeol being gone, but he’s pretty much coping with losing him. I mean, he actually fell for this…this scam. I wouldn’t have gone if I were him.”

Luhan sighs. “I can see why. Chanyeol stayed over at my place for a night when his band was touring Europe. He was so kind. He even helped Sehun with groceries.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Baekhyun talks about him a lot. I wish I could’ve met this guy, though. He seems like…”

Junmyeon pauses. An awkward silence lingers between him, Luhan, and Sehun.

“Like what, hyung?” Sehun asks.

“Like he’s the only one who can truly make Baekhyun happy. I’ve never seen anyone do that except for his little fanbase. Every time I see him at Chanyeol’s grave or looking at old pictures of them together, I feel like he can never be that happy with me.”

Luhan chuckles, half-smiling. “Just give him some time, Junmyeon. Baek will return to his happy-go-lucky self in no time.”

“I’m beginning to think he’ll never accept the fact that Chanyeol’s gone. I mean, it’s been two years and he still visits his grave every week. He still has nightmares about him—"

“Ha, if I were him I would’ve been suspicious as to why my long lost rocker boyfriend decided to contact me by a letter after two years,” Sehun interrupts.

“Well, this is Baekhyun we’re talking about. And you’re not Baekhyun, honey,” Luhan smiles, giving his boyfriend a light pinch on the arm. “You’re Oh Sehun, automotive engineer.”

“Hey, that hurt!”

“It’s just a pinch, Sehunnie, how could it hurt?”

Junmyeon looks at a sleeping Baekhyun once again as the couple start bickering playfully, ruffling his bangs with his fingers. The younger man has a tender smile on his face. _Dreaming of Chanyeol again, are you?_

“ _Alles klar,_ we’re here,” Sehun smiles as he parks his car in front of the apartment.

“What ever happened to ‘yehet’?” Junmyeon breaks into laughter, realising Sehun just said “alright” in German—with a thick Korean accent.

“That’s what three years of living in Germany does to you.”

Baekhyun opens his eyes as he gets out of the car and makes his way into the apartment, walking behind Sehun, Luhan, and Junmyeon. That nap in the car was sure as hell refreshing. It suddenly dawns on him that it’s Wednesday—one more day to reuniting with the love of his life.

Sehun and Luhan’s apartment is smaller than Baekhyun expected, but it looks very comfy. Everything is neat and clean (unlike Junmyeon or Chanyeol’s apartment—if there’s one thing they have in common, it’s how messy they are), with flower vases here and there. Sehun explains that the flowers and the minimalist interior theme were Luhan’s idea, while the “neat and tidy” concept is something Sehun himself came up with.

“You guys should’ve studied interior design or something like that,” Baekhyun laughs. “Maybe designing the insides of a room would suit you more.”

“Nah, we’re engineers, aren’t we, Sehunnie?” Luhan smirks, taking his boyfriend’s hand in his. Sehun nods in agreement. “Anyway, we have an extra room right there in the corner, next to the bathroom. You guys can take that room for the next two weeks while Sehun and I will sleep in the master bedroom, as per usual.”

“ _Alles klar_ ,” Junmyeon retorts, making the whole room laugh at how bad his German pronunciation is. _Good God, I’ll never try to speak German ever again. Even Sehun sounded better than me._

“Alright, I’ll leave you guys to rest for now. You must be exhausted,” says Luhan. “Knock on my door if you need anything.”

“Thank you so much, guys,” Baekhyun smiles as he enters the guest room. _This looks too spacious for a guest room. Imagine how huge the master bedroom must be._

_Chanyeol must’ve stayed in this room when Monodrama was in Munich._

Baekhyun takes another glance around the room as he unpacks his clothes and looks for one of Chanyeol’s old shirts and a pair of pajama pants in his suitcase before making his way to the bed. The walls are painted light blue—finally, a soothing colour. Soothing just like Chanyeol. Except that if there was a colour Baekhyun could describe Chanyeol with, it would be peach. A soft, yet passionate colour slightly close to red. That’s Chanyeol. Soft and warm, yet passionate and ambitious.

Lost in his daydreams, Baekhyun doesn’t even realise Junmyeon is standing half-naked before him, only wearing his boxers.

“Oh, hey there,” Baekhyun smirks. “Looking good with those abs.”

“I’ve been working out,” Junmyeon whispers. “Don’t wanna let my boyfie down when he looks at my body.”

“Aw, you.”

“Now, move so I can lie down next to you and give you a sneak-peek before you fall asleep.”

 _Sure thing,_ Baekhyun grins to himself as he rolls over to the other side of the bed. Junmyeon follows suit, his arms now wrapped around Baekhyun’s tiny frame as Baekhyun’s arms reciprocate the gesture, tying themselves around the bigger man’s waist. Baekhyun closes his eyes and lets out a sigh of relief as Junmyeon begins running his fingers through the smaller man’s luscious platinum blonde locks. Before he knows it, Baekhyun is already making small snoring noises.

Junmyeon puts a finger on Baekhyun’s nose, tracing the length of his face, holding his chin softly as he plants a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. He holds Baekhyun to his bare chest even tighter, smiling as he looks at Baekhyun’s face once more.

“God. If only,” Junmyeon sighs. “If only I could make you as happy as Chanyeol did. If only I could take your pain away that easily. If only you’d realise he’s gone and never coming back.”

Junmyeon isn’t naïve. He knows Chanyeol is gone and never coming back—and even if he’s alive, he’s probably forgotten all about Baekhyun and his life back in Seoul. But Junmyeon knows this: he has to do what he has to do.

No matter what it takes, he’ll protect Baekhyun from the past. He’ll help him move on and realise the truth, no matter what. He’ll always stand by Baekhyun’s side. He’ll never let the memories consume what’s left of Byun Baekhyun.

*

Baekhyun wakes up to birds chirping. He gets up as he opens the window, letting some fresh air in before taking a shower and putting on the fanciest clothes he brought with him. _Feels nicer than the polluted Seoul air_ , he thinks as he walks towards the dining room, where Junmyeon and Luhan are setting up the table for breakfast. Sehun is lounging lazily in the living room, watching a re-run of BBC Sherlock with a fluffy dog in his lap.

 _I’m so sorry, Yeolie,_ Baekhyun tries not to tear up as he remembers what happened to the dog Chanyeol and he adopted years ago. Chanyeol had always taken a good care of Toben despite of his allergy to animal fur. After Chanyeol’s disappearance, Baekhyun couldn’t bear to take care of himself, let alone the dog. Jongin and Kyungsoo had to take Toben to a pet shelter (after which Jongin ended up adopting a stray cat).

“Baek, you okay there?” Luhan asks, his eyebrows raised with concern.

“Um, yeah,” Baekhyun mutters. “I’m still sleepy. That’s all.”

Luhan lets out a small chuckle. “Still jet-lagged, eh? Well, breakfast is served and we’re lucky we have Chef Sehun and Chef Junmyeon here. You’ll feel better in no time.”

After eating his breakfast, Baekhyun finally understands why Luhan fell so hard for Sehun. The man can cook (so can Junmyeon…and Chanyeol). He may have felt jet lagged before, but now every bit of jet lag in his body is gone, replaced by the butterflies in his stomach. _I’m meeting Chanyeol soon. I’m meeting Chanyeol soon!_ He gets up and makes his way to the door, skipping with excitement.

The Marienplatz square is only a seven minute walk from the apartment. Now Baekhyun can see why the couple decided to rent such a small apartment—it’s cozy and close to the centre of the city. It’s pretty much where everything is, he remembers Luhan telling him during a Skype video call once. Baekhyun looks around him, drowning in the splendor of his surroundings. There’s still a historical touch to the shops.

He looks at his watch. 11:59. Chanyeol can appear any time now.

_Please don’t be a scam. I came here all the way from Seoul just to see you after two damn years. Two lonely years. Yes, I do love Junmyeon, but…_

_But he’s not you._

Then he hears it. A big clock on a cathedral-like building strikes twelve and starts chiming. _Fuck it, Chanyeol, you’re late._

Baekhyun looks around him once more, trying to scan for a certain Park Chanyeol in the crowd. He knows it would be harder to look for Chanyeol in an European crowd than an Asian crowd due to almost everyone here being as tall as his ex-boyfriend, but he tries anyway. The crowd is squishing him in as they walk towards the cathedral-like building, taking pictures of the clock as they go.

_Where the hell are you?_

He turns around as he feels something light slapping his hand. A tall, familiar figure has passed right next to him. Baekhyun can’t get a clear shot of his face, but he seems so familiar. The man has turned his back against Baekhyun, walking away in what seems to be a hurry. His black hair, his tall posture, the way he walks…

Everything reminds Baekhyun of Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun mutters. “Chanyeol, is that you?”

He gets no answer from the man, who has now disappeared into the crowd. Baekhyun takes a look at his right hand, in which there is a sealed envelope. “What the—”

 _Alright, let’s see what this is all about,_ Baekhyun thinks, unsealing the envelope as he reads the letter word by word.

_Dear Baekhyun,_

_I hope this letter finds you well._

_If you’re reading this, you must already be in Munich. Unfortunately, I’m not in Munich anymore as I have to keep traveling from one city to another. If I spend too much time in one city, they’ll find out about my identity. There are more Monodrama fans in Europe than you can imagine. I’m so sorry about this mess. But we’ll meet again soon. For now, I’m going to take you around Munich, and later on, some Eastern European cities. Let this letter be your guide._

_Welcome to the Marienplatz Square, the heart of Munich. You must be familiarizing yourself with the atmosphere of the city at this point. Elegant and very classic-European. Still hasn’t lost its charm. Even if it’s full of branded shops and people walking around in their modern clothing, it still has a nice Neo-Gothic touch to it._

_Walk towards the Rathaus, also known as the New Town Hall—the cathedral-like building with a big clock on it._

Baekhyun could’ve sworn the man was Chanyeol.

The tall, lanky figure, the black hoodie and cap he was wearing, the way he walked…everything about him, even if Baekhyun couldn’t see his face, reminded him of Chanyeol.

He decides to shrug it off and walk towards the cathedral-like building, reading the letter as he walks on.

_Pay attention to the structure of the Rathaus. You should see a big clock on top of the building. That’s the Glockenspiel. One of Munich’s main tourist attractions. A lot of people call it overhyped, but I can’t help but feel like it’s popular for a reason. Since it’s 12 now, you should be hearing its chimes. Beautiful, isn’t it? I could listen to those chimes forever._

_When I looked at it, it reminded me of how short life is. One minute you could be cuddling with the love of your life in a couch watching your favourite TV series even though your boyfriend isn’t into the whole blood and surgery thing and doctors having an affair (sorry Baekhyunnie), the next minute you could be looking at old pictures of us together, reminiscing over what could’ve been._

_What I’m saying is, Baekhyun my love, life is too short to dwell in nostalgia. We all need to move on. No reminiscing, no crying over what could’ve been. The Glockenspiel is there to remind us to live while we still can. Look around you. There are people walking around, looking for whatever it is they’re looking for at Marienplatz. Living their life with smiles on their faces. Now, I’m going to take you to one more place in Munich, a palace called the Residenz, and I want you to bask in the glory of the Residenz Theatre. Brace yourself._

Easy for him to say. Baekhyun turns around once more to see the same man he saw a while ago pass by, with a handful of plastic bags in his hands. No, he’s not going to let Chanyeol get away so easily. Baekhyun pushes his way out of the crowd, running after the man. _You asshole, you’re going to pay for those painful two years, the fact that you wouldn’t even wait for me at the Marienplatz Square as promised…_

“Yeol!” he lets out a shout. “Get back here! You’ve got a lot of explaining to do!”

The man doesn’t seem to hear Baekhyun’s shouts. Everyone stops to look at the tiny Asian man, screaming in Korean all by himself in the middle of the Marienplatz Square.

“PARK CHANYEOL! I said get back here!”

“Hey, hey,” Baekhyun hears a smooth tenor voice speak as a pair of arms embrace him softly from behind. _Junmyeon._ “Calm down, okay? That’s not Chanyeol. I saw his face.”

“I swear, that’s—”

“What’s that?” Junmyeon points at the letter Baekhyun is holding.

“Another letter. He wants me to visit every landmark in Munich before following him around Eastern Europe.”

“What?” Junmyeon exclaims. “Following him around Eastern Europe?”

Baekhyun nods. “He mentioned something about visiting a few Eastern European cities in the letter. He said he’s going to meet me somewhere in one of the cities.”

“Still sounds fishy to me.”

“Come on, Junmyeon,” Baekhyun sighs. “I saw him, okay? I’m pretty sure that guy was Chanyeol. The way he walked…”

“You still think this isn’t a scam?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I know what I saw. That was definitely Chanyeol, and I want to see his face one more time before leaving Europe to release my album.”

“Maybe it’s your mind playing tricks on you,” Junmyeon mutters.

“What?”

“Nothing. What’s the next place he wants you to visit?”

Baekhyun takes a look at the letter once more. “The Residenz museum. Apparently they have a musical theatre he wants me to see.”

_It ain’t Chanyeol without musical references._

“Perfect,” Junmyeon puts on a smile. “I’ve always wanted to visit the Residenz. Been planning to visit Sehun and go to the Residenz with him but life got in the way. I got busy.”

“You’re never too busy for me. You bought yourself a ticket to Germany a few minutes after we fought over whether I was going or not. Impulsive much.”

Junmyeon chuckles, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. “I’ll never be too busy for you, Baek.”

“God, you’re so cheesy.” _Even cheesier than Chanyeol, if that’s possible._

The two walk hand-in-hand to the Residenz. Even if they don’t have Luhan and Sehun to guide them there, Junmyeon has a good sense of direction and knows how to use Google Maps (unlike Chanyeol). They arrive at the gate in no time. In front of them now stands a ravishing palace with a spacious courtyard filled with green bushes. Baekhyun untangles his fingers from Junmyeon’s as he opens the letter once more for guidance.

_By the time you’re reading this, you must be at The Residenz, the biggest city-palace in Germany, located right in the centre of Munich. It used to be where the Wittelsbach monarch of Bavaria lived. The whole palace just screams out history, doesn’t it? Look around you. Everything, including the Grotto Courtyard in front of the palace, and the insides of the palace just takes you back to Old Bavaria._

_Now head to the Residenz Theatre and look for the Bavarian State Theatre and the Herkulessaal (Hercules Hall), where the Bavarian Radio Symphony Orchestra, a Grammy-winning German symphony orchestra frequently performs._

As per Chanyeol’s order, Baekhyun and Junmyeon head to the theatre. The theatre isn’t that hard to find as Junmyeon made sure they got the palace map before entering. It sure is huge, with everything coloured in red and gold. The lights are almost blinding to Baekhyun. He can see why Chanyeol loves this place—if there’s one word to describe it, it’s royal.

“Holy crap,” Junmyeon gasps. “This place is just outright gorgeous.”

“I know,” Baekhyun retorts as he goes back to reading the letter. “No wonder Chanyeol wants me to visit this theatre.”

_Baekkie, when I visited this place for the first time, I remembered how much you love symphony orchestras. All I could think of was you. I wish I could’ve taken you here with me. We could’ve basked in its beauty together, the red and gold scheme of the theatre. I wish I could’ve seen you on that stage, singing Moon of Seoul with your voice of gold._

_But then I realised. You’re far away in Seoul and I’m here on my own. It’s time for me to continue my journey and wait for fate to reunite us once again. But don’t worry. I’ll always wait for you. Somewhere along the line, we’ll meet again. For now, I want you to experience everything I experienced in Munich. A close friend of mine will be dropping another letter for you tomorrow. Get ready for more sight-seeing._

_Love,_

_LOEY._

“Well, that’s it for today, I guess,” Baekhyun says, slipping the letter into his pocket. “Enough touring for today.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. Chanyeol said he’ll drop another letter for me tomorrow.”

For the hundredth time that day, Junmyeon lets out another sigh. Baekhyun can clearly see his boyfriend is irritated at this point. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” Junmyeon fakes a smirk. “I’m just wondering when Park Chanyeol is going to show up and convince me this isn’t a scam and whoever wrote these letters isn’t out to hurt you. I don’t know, Baek. Everything just seems so…wrong to me.”

“Oh, really now? I know what I saw, okay? I saw Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s somewhere in Munich, Junmyeon. I know for a fact that I saw Park Chanyeol at Marienplatz Square today!”

“You didn’t even see his face!”

Baekhyun scoffs. “I didn’t have to. I just know he’s alive somewhere.”

“How do you know he’s alive, though? You haven’t seen him ever since the accident—”

“They found remnants of the plane yet they couldn’t even find his body! Isn’t that a proof that he somehow survived?”

Junmyeon laughs nervously. “That doesn’t necessarily mean he survived, babe.”

“I just know he’s alive, okay? I believe Park Chanyeol is alive somewhere on this Earth. Don’t even try to deny the fact that he’s not officially dead.”

“Well, believe what you want to believe,” Junmyeon shrugs.

It’s no use convincing Baekhyun when he has his mind set on getting something he wants. Just like Park Chanyeol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be dropping 2-3 chapters this week since I plan to finish this fic two weeks before my final exams. More suspense to come ;)


	8. When I Don't Speak

The silent treatment is all Baekhyun is getting from Junmyeon for the next three days after their little argument at the Residenz. Sehun and Luhan are left confused by what’s going on, but they decide to leave the couple be. Luhan knows how much Baekhyun hates it when his friends interfere in his relationship problems. He may have not been with Baekhyun for years now, but he still remembers the most important details about his childhood friend.

Just like Chanyeol requests him to, Baekhyun visits a few more places in Munich during those three days. Schloss Nymphenburg, Pinakothek de Moderne, Neuer Botanische Garten, and many more. All beautiful, almost romantic landscapes Baekhyun knows Chanyeol would love. He has no doubt that this is really Chanyeol, his Chanyeol. Chanyeol is alive, and Baekhyun can feel his heart fluttering with every step he takes. Sometimes he would see Chanyeol, or a figure that looks like him wander around these places. His steps are more skippy than ever and Junmyeon can see that.

Junmyeon can’t even look him in the face now. But he knows, maybe Baekhyun needs to fall into a trap first before he realises he can’t stay like this forever.

He silently stares at his boyfriend, who’s now getting ready for his next “adventure”. Baekhyun has just received another letter from Chanyeol (or someone pretending to be Chanyeol), slipped into Sehun’s mailbox that morning. He’s got his mind set on Chanyeol now. Chanyeol, and no one else. Not even a bereft Junmyeon, who’s now sitting on his bed half-naked, yet again.

The light shines through the window, illuminating Junmyeon’s face and body. Baekhyun has to admit, he looks good. But nothing compares to Park Chanyeol. He sighs as he walks towards the door, carrying his backpack with him.

“Baek,” Junmyeon calls out for the first time that day.

“Huh?”

“Be careful.”

“I will, don’t worry.”

“Where does the letter tell you to go today?”

“Technical University of Munich.”

Junmyeon gives a slight nod, smiling at Baekhyun for the first time in three days. “Sehun and I will join you for lunch, if that’s okay with you?”

“Uh…yeah. Sure, I don’t mind.”

 _At least now he’s not ignoring me anymore,_ Baekhyun smiles as he makes his way to the living room and looks around for Sehun, only to find Luhan all dressed up for work in front of the door.

“Where’s Sehun?”

Luhan turns his back to look at a confused puppy. _God, he can be so cute when he’s confused._ “Off to campus. Research stuff. Just text him if you want to get lunch together later or something.”

“Okay, I’ll do that,” Baekhyun nods as he walks outside. Sehun’s definitely more laid back about pursuing Chanyeol than Junmyeon is. Maybe he can convince Junmyeon to let Baekhyun proceed with his little adventure. _Lunch with Sehun and Junmyeon won’t be a problem_ , he thinks as he takes a look at the newly opened letter.

_Dear Baekhyun,_

_Are you ready for your last day in Munich? Because I’m so ready to meet you in Salzburg at the end of your trip. A few more days and we’ll be reunited, love. I can’t wait to see your cherubic face and squeeze you tight again. Words can’t even express how much I’ve missed you._

_I have just one more place for you to visit in Munich: the Technical University of Munich, the school your friends Luhan and Sehun attended. Before you ask me why I’m telling you to visit a university campus, let me explain: this is one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever visited. I’m not even kidding. I hated school. I hated studying. The only reason I got through college was because I majored in music. But if I ever studied here, I’d never want to leave. I have to admit, I’m pretty jealous of Luhan and Sehun._

_Take the next bus to TUM and continue reading this letter when you arrive._

Baekhyun folds the letter neatly and places it inside his pocket as he takes the next bus to the campus. Out of all the places Chanyeol could tell him to visit, Chanyeol has chosen a university campus. Ironic considering he hated college. Baekhyun shakes his head and grins at the thought. But then again, it’s Chanyeol. The man is unpredictable.

Junmyeon, on the other hand, is the most predictable man Baekhyun’s ever known. Stable, dependable, practical, by-the-book. Does everything expected of him. Treats everything he does as a duty, including his relationships, reminding Baekhyun of Kyungsoo somehow. Always so down-to-earth and simple despite of his taste for fancy things that could cost a fortune. If Junmyeon was the ground, calm, stable, and predictable, Chanyeol would be fire, passionate, unpredictable, and full of life with the potential to burst anytime.

Baekhyun gets off at the stop nearest to TUM and walks with the letter in his hand. As soon as he passes by the gate, he pauses in awe. Chanyeol wasn’t lying when he said the industrial-looking architecture of the campus was captivating. He opens the letter, waiting for Chanyeol’s guidance.

_Welcome to TUM!_

_Pay attention to the campus building. Modern-looking and classic-looking at the same time, isn’t it? I have to say, the atmosphere reminds me of Rammstein. I could write an industrial metal song about the whole campus building. Some of the buildings have been here since a long time ago. Some look brand new to me._

_Look at the students. They’re so…youthful. So full of life and energy. Something I lack ever since the crash. I know that you lack of it too, Baek._

A group of students pass by, speaking to each other in German, making jokes about God-knows-what. Smiling faces and laughs fill Baekhyun’s surroundings. He sees a couple at the corner, kissing with vigor, their tongues tied. Baekhyun can only wish it was him and Chanyeol.

_The thing is, Baek, I don’t want you to be sad forever. I want you to be like these students. Look at their smiles and their bright faces. I wish one of them could be you. I don’t like seeing you all sad and nostalgic. It just doesn’t suit you._

_I want to see my Baekhyun smile again._

Another tall figure passes by. This time, Baekhyun’s sure it’s Chanyeol. The man has black hair covered with a black baseball cap, just like the one Chanyeol used to wear. He has a hoodie and a pair of black jeans on. Definitely Chanyeol. Baekhyun sprints all the way to the man. Nope, he’s not going to let Chanyeol get away with this.

Not after two years of pretending to be fine. Not after two years of waiting for his long lost love to come back and hold him once again. Baekhyun loves games, but this game is an exception. No one plays games with Byun Baekhyun’s heart. Not even Park Chanyeol.

“Come back here!” Baekhyun shouts. A crowd of students stop and stare at the crazed Asian man screaming in Korean. _Shit, not again._

“Park Chanyeol! Park Chanyeol, get your ass over here!”

Baekhyun can hear the students laugh at him. But he knows, getting back at Chanyeol is worth the laughter of fifty German adolescents.

And he’s got the man by his back. _God, he’s so tall._

“Chanyeol!” he yells out. “How dare you?”

Still not turning back, the man stops walking. Baekhyun’s hand is on his shoulder now, clinging furiously to him.

“You wanna see your Baekhyun smile again, huh? Well, you’re never going to see him smile again unless you explain what the fuck is going on!”

“Wait, what?”

That’s not Chanyeol’s voice.

Baekhyun remembers Chanyeol’s voice clearly. It’s deep, rich, and silky like satin. This man’s voice, whoever he is, sounds nothing like the deep, calming voice that used to sing Baekhyun to sleep every night. It does, however, sound familiar.

“…Oh,” the man turns his back.

“W-What?”

“Jesus, Baekhyun-hyung. You scared the shit out of me.”

The man takes his cap off, revealing himself to be none other than Oh Sehun.

“S-S-Sorry,” the shorter man stutters, blood rising up to his cheeks. “I—I thought you were C-Chanyeol…the cap, the hoodie, and the height…”

Sehun breaks into laughter. “Well, fuck. I look nothing like Chanyeol, how did you mistake me for him in the first place?”

“Uh…you’re both really tall and…I didn’t see your face…and…he told me to go to TUM today…oh my God, Sehun, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Sehun tones down his laughter. “Have you had lunch, hyung?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I’m starving, though. Mind showing me where the cafeteria is?”

“No problem. Also, in case he didn’t tell you, Junmyeon-hyung’s joining us for lunch today. He’s on his way here.”

Sehun guides his hyung to the crowded, noisy cafeteria, where a lot of kids stare at the crazy Korean guy who screamed at a random student earlier that day (apparently the random student’s guiding him to the cafeteria now, how sweet). Some try to hold in their laughter, some whisper to each other. But then again, Baekhyun knows. _It’s my fault for screaming at Sehun, thinking he’s actually Chanyeol…how can my life get any more cringeworthy than this?_

“Just sit down and I’ll get the three of us something to eat. Junmyeon-hyung’s arriving soon,” Sehun grins, pointing at one of the seats.

Baekhyun drowns his face with his hands, letting his mop of platinum blonde fall into his fingers. How can he be so stupid? Chanyeol’s clearly not at TUM and he looks nothing like Sehun except that they’re both tall, Asian, and handsome. Baekhyun just wants the earth to swallow him whole right now. Especially after hearing the students whisper in German, laughing at him with no mercy. Not that he understands German, but he knows they’re talking about “the crazy Korean guy.”

That’s when he lifts up his head and sees a white envelope on the table. Another letter from Chanyeol. He seizes it with his empty hand. He’s not going to let Chanyeol get away. Ever.

“Hey there,” a soft, light male voice enters.

“Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon sits down as he reaches out to touch Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m sorry about yesterday, okay? I hate silent treatments, and I won’t do it ever again.”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun replies. “I kinda deserved it for yelling at you at the museum.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m being an ass. I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up about a damn letter. I mean, it’s just a letter, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It’s just a letter.”

_Fuck no. It’s not just a letter. It’s a letter from Park fucking Chanyeol._

He looks up to see Sehun putting a big tray of food on the table. “Lunch is served. Get your bratwurst, everyone.”

“Nice campus you’ve got here,” says Junmyeon, munching on his sausage. “I can see why you’re so hell bent on doing your PhD in Munich.”

“Well, I originally wanted to do it at KIT, but this uni’s good enough. Plus Luhan would be lonely if I left him all alone in Munich.”

“He could get himself a job in Karlsruhe.”

“Yeah, but we love it here.”

Baekhyun remembers the time his parents urged him to continue his education in math and physics and get himself a doctoral degree. But no, he’s decided a PhD isn’t for him. Sehun may be studious enough to get himself such degree, but Baekhyun? Baekhyun’s always wanted to become a singer. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Hey, what’s that?” asks Junmyeon, pointing at the envelope Baekhyun is still holding.

“Another letter.” _Please don’t explode._

“Looks thicker than the ones before,” Junmyeon slightly smiles.

Baekhyun opens the letter, revealing five papers lying inside the envelope. _What did he even need five letters for?_ He reads it out loud, making sure the German students aren’t looking at him anymore—thank God they’re no longer whispering and laughing at the crazy Korean guy.

“ _Dear Baekhyun,”_ Baekhyun starts reading.

“ _I’m glad you made it this far. I know it’s hard sticking around when you can’t even see or touch me. I know it’s hard when you’re not even sure if this is really me writing to you. But I can tell you, it’ll all be worth it in the end._

_Here’s how it works: I’ve left you four mini-letters, one for each city you’re going to explore. Prague, Budapest, Vienna, and Salzburg. Each letter contains a guide to each city and the places I want you to visit. If you’re reading this that means I must already be in Salzburg right now and I’ve visited all of these landmarks in the past few days and I want you to experience what I’ve experienced there. I’m writing most of these from my imagination based off the postcards I’ve seen._

_Why Salzburg, you might ask?_

_Music, Baekhyun. Austria was where it all happened back in the olden days. Salzburg happened to be the birthplace of one of the most legendary musicians of all time. You guessed that right. Mozart._

_Before I can explain in detail how beautiful Salzburg is, you must first go on a road trip, stopping at each of the four cities I mentioned. When you arrive in Salzburg on Saturday, a courier of mine will drop you another letter telling you where to meet me._

_See you this Saturday, my love._

_Love,_

_LOEY.”_

Junmyeon almost spits his water. “He wants you to what?”

“Go on a road trip…across four Eastern European cities,” Baekhyun drops the letter, his voice flatter than ever.

“Oh, come on, this is a scam. You know it!”

“But…if he says so…then…”

“Then what?” Junmyeon sighs. “Why would Chanyeol want you to waste fuel, money, and time on looking for him when he could just take a plane to Seoul to meet up with you instead? Why would he want you to ‘experience what he experienced’ when he could just call you up for a simple date?”

“Hyung,” Sehun swallows. _Can’t you see these students are starting to stare at us?_

“Maybe he can’t!” Baekhyun scoffs. “Maybe he doesn’t have the money to buy a plane ticket. Maybe he wants me to experience the wonders of Germany and Eastern Europe for a reason!”

“Experience it all by yourself. Yeah right.”

“He said he can’t stay in one city too long.”

“Then what’s he doing in Salzburg for almost a week?”

Baekhyun holds his breath. “I don’t know, maybe it’s safer for him there? I mean Monodrama isn’t that famous in Austria compared to Germany and the capital cities of Eastern European countries!”

“Please, Baek. This is definitely a scam!”

“Hyung!” Sehun interrupts. “Can you two please just—”

Junmyeon calms down at Sehun’s interruption. People are looking. He realises he can’t keep raising his voice.

“Look, babe. Even if it’s a scam,” Baekhyun starts choking up. “I just want to see his face one last time. I never got the chance to say goodbye to him.”

*

The Starbucks at Marienplatz opens up until late at night. Junmyeon figures out it’s a good place to chill with Sehun and Luhan after today’s fight at TUM. Baekhyun has been locking himself up in his room, refusing to go out and Junmyeon can’t think of a more perfect moment to reveal everything to Luhan, right from the top. Of course, his revelation generates fury from the caramel-haired Chinese man. He knows Luhan isn’t going to take this lightly.

“Come on, guys! You can’t be serious!” Luhan scratches his head, looking furiously at his boyfriend and his best friend. “What if Baek ever finds out? The way I see it your little scheme has already backfired on you, hasn’t it?”

Junmyeon lets out a shrug. “Either way he’s still going to realise Chanyeol’s gone. It’s completely up to him whether he still wants to be with me or not, I just want him to accept that Chanyeol’s never coming back and move on. And, you know, be happy with his life.”

“Then what’s the point of doing this in the first place, Junmyeon? You can just wait until he’s completely moved on,” Luhan sighs. “You’re just as selfish as him then. It’s all about your feelings and him not being mature enough to accept Chanyeol’s gone. Admit it.”

“I don’t think that’s the case, babe,” Sehun cuts in. “We actually thought that if we made ‘Chanyeol’ so demanding, he’d be like ‘Oh, fuck this, I haven’t heard from you in 2 years and you’re suddenly expecting me to come find you somewhere in Europe. I’m happy with Junmyeon now.’”

Luhan laughs nervously. “Then you obviously don’t know Baekhyun.”

“What do you mean?” asks Junmyeon.

“Before Chanyeol passed away…whenever he fell in love, he fell hard. That’s why he didn’t date anyone after breaking up with Heechul. He just slept around. But when Chanyeol came, everything changed. Look, Junmyeon. I’m sure Baekhyun loves you. But you can’t deny the fact that Chanyeol was his first real love, and it may take him some time to get over his passing.”

Junmyeon takes a sip of his cappuccino. “Two years, Lu. And it’s not about his feelings for me. I just want him to move on and be happy, that’s all.”

“Two years? That’s not enough time for him to get over Chanyeol. Keep in mind that some people grieve forever. And you think you can make Baekhyun happy by lying to him?”

“Well, whatever it takes. Sometimes white lies work. He’ll soon accept that Chanyeol is dead and someone’s been trolling him all along. That way, it’ll be easier for him to move on and get on with his life.”

“What if he finds out one day and decides to break up with you?”

“If that’s what it takes, then I’m okay with it. Again, this isn’t about my feelings, it’s about his.”

Luhan lets out another nervous laugh. “You’re not exactly letting him feel, you do know that, don’t you?”

“Better than letting him grieve forever,” Sehun interrupts.

Luhan shakes his head. “I have a bad feeling about this. But okay, I won’t tell Baekhyun. You guys…just do whatever you want. I’m not going to interfere.”

“Now what are we gonna do?” Sehun asks, turning to a flat-faced Junmyeon.

“We’re going on a road trip to Salzburg.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quite the plot twist, isn't it? ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by a random Indonesian movie my friend and I watched a while ago (laughed throughout the movie but then I thought "why not write a fic loosely inspired by the plot of the movie?"). Enjoy.


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